Quote of the day...er...week...umm...hey, look, a quote!!

Tibi gratias agimus quod nihil fumas.

It says "...freedom of...", not "...freedom from...".

Nolite te bastardes carburundorum!

"It's amazing to me how many people think that voting to have the government give poor people money is compassion. Helping poor and suffering people is compassion. Voting for our government to use guns to give money to help poor and suffering people is immoral self-righteous bullying laziness. People need to be fed, medicated, educated, clothed, and sheltered, and if we're compassionate we'll help them, but you get no moral credit for forcing other people to do what you think is right. There is great joy in helping people, but no joy in doing it at gunpoint." - Penn Jillette

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Thank You, Professor Farnsworth

"Good news! Your roof has hail damage!..."

That's a lovely way to open a letter, no? No.

It is from one of our neighbors, who just happens to own a roofing business. We've had a hail storm or two lately (I'm not complaining - precipitation is precipitation, and every drop helps), and a roof or two may have been damaged as a result.

We don't have a leak - I'm constantly checking, because I am aware that hail can rearrange a roof quite nicely. Our roof is a little old and should probably be replaced in the next year or three, but it doesn't look any rougher than it was before - there are no shingles littering our yard, no tell-tale dark places where something has been relocated or removed by weather, no moist (that one's for you, Aunt Becky) spots on the ceiling or walls acting as harbingers of doom, or at least harbingers of the need for a new roof.

I haven't noticed anyone up there inspecting the surface, and given that our roof's three stories up and 1) inaccessible without a ladder or mad levitation skillz, 2) calls for a serious lack of acrophobia, 3) would result in a fair amount of larger-than-a-squirrel thumping unless the person is as stealthy as a Ninja (doubtful if they're being sensible and wearing work boots, because who goes up on a roof in Crocs or thos little Ninja slippers?), and 4) I'm home all the time, that's not the kind of thing I'd miss...is it? No one had recently been in the yard gazing upward with dollar signs in their eyes, either - I would notice that, because Bird announces visitors to Casa de Crazy with the enthusiasm a recently constipated octogenarian announces their latest bowel movement (no angry responses from octogenarians, constipated or otherwise, please - I can't read all that chicken scratch!) - seriously, he's better than an alarm!

I am guessing that the entire neighborhood got one of these cheerful letters.

I don't mind that someone is being proactive, looking for business, making ends meet - it's the opening of the letter that struck me: "Good news..."

Yeah, if you're a roofer!

3 comments:

RachelW said...

"" ....because Bird announces visitors to Casa de Crazy with the enthusiasm a recently constipated octogenarian announces their latest bowel movement (no angry responses from octogenarians, constipated or otherwise, please - I can't read all that chicken scratch!) ""

Okay, okay, you are in big trouble now! I'm alerting every octogenarian I know of your indiscretion, er, irreverance, er, irrelevance? Oh, bother it all...

chris said...

I'm so anal about roof leaking or pipes bursting that if I got a letter like this one I'd probably climbed my roof immediately and inspect it.

Kyddryn said...

Rachel, bring 'em on - they're old and frail, right? OK, really, my grandmother was still quite capable of kicking my butt when she was in her eighties...

Chris, I am not a climbing-on-the-roof sort of person. Mine is three stories up (ask me how that's possible on a two storey house), and as gravity is not kind to the large, I will refrain from actually going up there. :-)