Quote of the day...er...week...umm...hey, look, a quote!!

"...besides love, independence of thought is the greatest gift an adult can give a child." - Bryce Courtenay, The Power of One

For old quotes, look here.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Overheard At the Assylum

This is an actual conversation that took place via a flurry of e-mails today - each line is an e-mail. It made perfect sense to the participants, so if you don't get it...what's wrong with you??

M: I’m not feeling particularly inclined to engage in occupational-related pursuits today. Can I come over and hang out in your backyard? (If only it were that simple, eh?)

K: C'mon over...I'm sure you can find a simulacra to take your place at work.

M: Maybe a doppelganger?

K: Or a helium balloon in a shirt, with a Sharpie smiley face on it?

M: How about a Cabbage Patch Kid? I more closely resemble them than helium balloons.

K: Lol...yeah, but I can't stand those awful things!! I LIKE you! Maybe a blow up doll? Or a CPR torso?? Hmm...what can we use as a Michelle distraction??

M: It’s really just pointless to try – there’s simply no possible replacement for lil’ ol’ moi!

K: No, but that's the whole point...to find something so farcical that it's obvious you've snuck out, but so amusing that no one can be angry about it!!

M: Oh, well, then… How about a voodoo doll? Or a Kewpie doll? Maybe a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that’s half eaten? (There’s me, missing one of those obvious jokes again… Guess I am a real blonde.)

K: Muahaha...a fluffer-nutter on Wonder Bread, with a pickle on the side to throw them off...

M: Yeah, but who’s going to finish the package of Wonder Bread once it’s been opened?!?!

K: The ducks, of course. You did bring some ducks on this mission, didn't you? Everyone knows you NEED ducks on a covert operation! Preferably Buffleheads. They're the best sort for blending in and providing distractions. Also, I think we need some sprouts on the sandwich, or someone might think you've gone bald...and that would just be wrong.

M: I think maybe I’ll just print that email out and leave it on my chair without the rest of the conversation – I might get a hero’s welcome if I returned after that!
I know… it’s cheesy, but it’s Clip Art and it’s quick.

K: Quick, hide behind this: Now sneak out the side door...I'll send a zeppelin to fetch you and we shall drift aimlessly about in search of world domination...or pie....

M: Sweet potato or cherry?

K: French silk, duh!! Although...a nice cherry pie could definitely assuage my need for world domination...if the cherries are nice and tart and there's vanilla ice cream to be had. You know, I could forgive you forgetting the ducks of there's ice cream. I'm just sayin'...I certainly never forgot the ducks...

Never mind world domination...let's go raid the Mayfield visitor's center instead. We can wear cow costumes and pretend to be on a pilgrimage...they'd never suspect a thing! I'd need to get a pedicure first, though...I wouldn't want my hooves to look bad when visiting Mecca. What do you think...sparkly pink hoof polish? Or just a classic, understated clear coat?

Oh, and ahem..re: printing the conversation...do you not read your own tag line????? You know, about being kind to the environment and stuff?? Gee whiz...

You'll note that M was clear headed and sensible in the beginning, and that K (who is this K? Where does she come from? Why isn't she contained safely behind a firewall somewhere?) dragged the sensible M right into Crazy, population: Us Them! What are friends for?


Mamma Schmoo said...

lol....I like the helium balloon with the sharpie face idea the best!!!

Kit said...

I'll bring the ice cream. The ducks can keep the boys at bay so we ladies can have a restful afternoon.

I'm sure the sandwich could hold down the fort for M!