To write it out in detail would just take longer than I'm willing to give it, so here's a summary of how this day has felt to me:
I'm sitting on the edge of the couch to type this. Normally I'd be cross-legged, but I'm too big for that right now. My feet slide off.
I'm wearing size ten granny undies because that's all that fits...I was big anyway, and they don't make plus-sized maternity clothes. As with wedding dresses, I guess fat chicks are SOL. Thank the Goddess no one will ever want to marry me again, so I don't have to endure THAT hell.
I had to squeeze into my size ten socks because my feet are poofy and look more like potato dumplings than feet.
The 3XL shirt I'm in is too tight, but I don't have a bigger one to wear right now. I look like an overstuffed blue sausage. It ain't pretty.
The seat belt in the truck wouldn't fasten around me the first three times I tried. I had to sort of stretch myself upward and pull hard, and it hurt like a bitch for the whole ride.
Every time I go up or down the stairs, I sigh or grunt. Ditto for when I sit down on or get up from the floor. Bending over? Is a process. It also ain't pretty.
My belly hits the shower wall when I wash my hair. Yeah, it's a small shower, but geeze.
I hurt all over, inside and out, mentally, physically, and spiritually. No one seems to notice or care.
I feel fat, ugly, misshapen, ungainly, stupid, undesirable and unwanted right now.
My candy thermometer, the one I've had and loved for years, broke tonight. Oh, well...like my fat arse needs candy anyway.
That's pretty much how I'm ending my day.
At least the sunset was beautiful. And the baby keeps on wriggling, stretching, growing, and reminding me that (at least until she wises up and realizes she has a choice in the matter) she will love me as only babies can, if I can just hold out a few more weeks.
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