Quote of the day...er...week...umm...hey, look, a quote!!

Tibi gratias agimus quod nihil fumas.

It says "...freedom of...", not "...freedom from...".

Nolite te bastardes carburundorum!

"It's amazing to me how many people think that voting to have the government give poor people money is compassion. Helping poor and suffering people is compassion. Voting for our government to use guns to give money to help poor and suffering people is immoral self-righteous bullying laziness. People need to be fed, medicated, educated, clothed, and sheltered, and if we're compassionate we'll help them, but you get no moral credit for forcing other people to do what you think is right. There is great joy in helping people, but no joy in doing it at gunpoint." - Penn Jillette

Friday, March 26, 2010


Pardon me, do you mind if I vent a bit? Thanks - sometimes a body just needs to let it out a little.

I got up before dawn this morning because I was scheduled to work communications at the track. I was very quiet, careful not to wake Someone or the Evil Genius. I packed the lunch I made last night, made sure I has plenty of water, kissed Someone goodbye and headed out.

I watched the sun rise and hoped for a pretty day. I even had a quasi-poetic thought about how the sun was gently brushing the pines, coaxing a bronze blush from them as he crept higher into the sky.

Then I was told that there'd been a mistake and I wasn't needed in the tower after all. It's no one's fault, really - the people running the event didn't know I was coming and offered to let me work a turn instead, as a safety marshall...but I can't do that any more, and may never again because I'm just not fit enough. The woman who arranges workers for the event has parents and in-laws with failing health and has a lot on her plate, so she may have gotten muddled as to which events they needed me for. The organizers felt bad...but what could they do? So I came home.

I tried to lie back down, hoping to sleep, but my mind wouldn't let me.

I wasn't going to be paid a tremendous lot for the weekend, but it would have taken care of my car insurance...which will now lapse Sunday at midnight, leaving me uninsured and with a suspended license (that's how it works in Redneck Central - your insurance lapses and they suspend your license) indefinitely.

I am a wee stressed about that.

I am feeling very low right now. Very useless, and rather like a burden. Woe is me and all that crap. I needed this boost. Not just the money...I needed to be doing something that felt useful, something at which I am rather good. I needed to hear people happy to know I was there, and needed to feel like I'm earning my keep a little. I needed NOT to feel like a freakin' lump of gristle, purposeless, disposable, pointless. I needed to feel proud of a job I was doing.

So here I sit with these thoughts scrabbling in circles around my head. I would very much like to crawl into bed and just not get up again. Let 'em turn off the power, the water, the phone and Internet, who gives a shit? If it was just me, I would...because no one would notice or care. But I have Someone (and thank the Goddess, because his love? Is a tonic.) and the Evil Genius, and four cats, and Mum might eventually figure out I hadn't called and wonder what was up...


And fuck.

1 comment:

Momlady said...

Well, Hellfire and damnation. Hopefully you get to work the upcoming events for them. Sorry, Sweetie.