It's happening all over the world as I type. Dark circled eyes staring emptily out at nothing. Groans emanating from deep within at every motion. Hands hanging slack, or outstretched and clawing for...something... Heavy breathing, slurred speech.
All over the world, I tell you, and now at Casa de Crazy as well.
The Mombies have arisen.
We were up and down all night to rock, fetch water, frighten away bad dreams, grab a bucket to catch vomit, change sheets, whatever it was that the younger residents of our collective homes needed that couldn't wait until a more reasonable hour...say...maybe after ten?
We spend our days doing laundry, making meals, fetching groceries, taking out the trash, emptying the compost, cleaning rooms, and endlessly sweeping, mopping, or vacuuming floors that never seem to be clean.
What intelligence we once possessed is gone the way of the Dodo, and we have no idea what you are talking about, but we will happily smile, nod, and try to steal your coffee when you aren't looking, maybe deposit a child or two in your lap and run for the hills.
Our battle cry isn't "braaaaiiiiins", it's "draaaaaaiiiiiiinnnnnsss", as we hunt for the Liquid Drain Cleaner o' Doom to deal with whatever is stuck down the kids' tub drain before it gains sentience and demands a seat at the UN.
No, we can't carry on a coherent conversation, thank you. We can't hear half of what you said, and can't make sense of the rest of it.
Date? What's that? It's a fruit, right?
Dinner out? Not yet, it hasn't finished baking in the oven yet.
Movie? Isn't that something cows do?
Free time? Wait, when did we start having to pay for it?
Uninterrupted sleep? You made that up just now.
You have something on your face right there, let me spit on a napkin and get it off for you.
Did I have a point? I can't remember...
~~~~~
The Evil Genius asked me why parents are weird. I told him it's because we have kids - right up until then, we were perfectly normal.
~~~~~
This post brought to you by Sprout's nagging cough that woke her up every twenty to thirty minutes all. night. long.
*I totally thought of my post title before I found the picture. Yuh huh, did too!
Posts
5 comments:
I love this! It is Motherhood in a nutshell! Oh, how I don't miss those days! Now, it's just the dog who interrupts my sleep and it is usually an hour before I need to get up, anyway! There is light at the end of the tunnel. And all this stuff will make you a better person later on, I'm pretty sure! Great post!
So sorry! And dayum girl, you can WRITE!
Yup, I remember those days. It may take a while to come back to life (like after the kids are out of the house). Hang in there.
Can't believe HBO hasn't done a series on the Mombies yet.
Yes. This "What intelligence we once possessed is gone the way of the Dodo" and this "No, we can't carry on a coherent conversation, thank you. We can't hear half of what you said, and can't make sense of the rest of it."
Yes. 100%. I am right there with you.
I am hoping this "condition" will clear up in 18 years or so.
Post a Comment