The Continuuing Adventures of Flat Aunt Becky

I took FAB with us when we went to get the Evil Genius's photo with the man dressed as Santa/The Holly King. She was a little intimidated by the big guy and opted out of the photo shoot, preferring instead to investigate the shrubberies by the bank.

Nothing says "Prepare for the oncoming holidays!" like...a gardenia? Umm...


That's more like it...Holly in full berry mode, now with bonus berries!

As luck would have it, T was taking the Evil Genius away for the rest of the weekend for a few Father/Son bonding activities, so Mum, FAB and I were free to explore a local bead show. FAB thought the beads were mostly uninteresting. I wondered if she was right in the head - who thinks beads are boring (don't answer that)? She said something about low blood sugar...

...so we repaared to the lobby to see if we could remedy the situation. I believe we succeeded.

Sadly, I could not capture FAB's shenanigans at JoAnne's - she was a whirlwind in the scrapbooking aisle, revived by her little repast, and I had my hands full keeping up with her and finding the papers I needed for making holiday cards. FAB napped all the way up to Mum's place, where we were spending the night, but she perked up in time for dinner.

Mum wanted steak, and since she was buying, who was I to argue?? We went to Longhorn.

"Now that's a knife!"

"I claim this bread in the name of Flat Aunt Becky!"

FAB shared my steak - turns out she likes her ribeye rare, too!

We didn't have desert, although I always want to order the chocolate stampede...but I can only mange a bite or two before I'm done, and it's such a waste. FAB told me later she could eat a whole one herself. I wish she'd mentioned that before - we could have shared!

I'm hoping to get back to the gallery this Sunday - if I manage it, I'm bringing FAB with me and we'll see what we get up to while we're there.

Is It Just Meme...?

...or have I been doing a lot of these lately?
~~~~~
1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Oh, so many snarky answers flitted through my brain for this...but I'll play both nice and fair. My toothbrush.

2. Where was your profile picture taken? On my front porch, of one of my beloved morning glories. That particular shade doesn't grow any more, and I haven't been able to find more seeds, so the photo is all that remains.

3. Can you play Guitar Hero? Not very well. I can play almost anything poorly, though, as I suspect most people can.

4. Name someone who made you laugh today. What was it about? That someone would be Someone, and I could tell you but I don't think I will. My mother reads this blog.

5. How late did you stay up last night and why? A bit past two-thirty, because I don't sleep very well of late. I am insomnia's bitch, it seems.

6. If you could move somewhere else where would you and why? I can move somewhere else if I choose. It's still a (somewhat) free country, and the world is getting smaller every day. I would move to Maine, or New Hampshire, or Martha's Vineyard, or Arizona or Missouri, or Oregon, or Alaska, or North Georgia, or Scotland (far from cities) or Ireland (some small town or on the coast) or New Zealand, or anywhere with mountains, or snow, or the sea, or a clear night sky, or forest, or free flowing water...because I love beautiful, wild places where humans haven't had much opportunity to muck things up and I don't like living in crowded places where people can bother me when I'd rather be alone. As long as I had the Blue Nowhere, I'd be fine wherever I came to light.

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? Can't say that I have. Sounds dangerous.

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you? Hmm...I think that would be Gypsy, although it could be Kit - they're almost equidistant and it takes about the same amount of time to drive to their homes... Of course, my friend K is always in my heart, so that's closer still...

9. Do you believe ex's can be friends? With benefits? I believe that people can find their relationships evolving and adjust accordingly. I believe that a relationship can end one incarnation and begin another, and that all parties involved can remain friendly if they can let go of negative feelings. I believe that people can continue to have sexual contact without any other ties, as long as they're clear about boundaries. I also believe it's not often plausible to continue a physical relationship with an ex, and sometimes it's downright unwise.

10. Do you like Dr. Pepper? On rare occasions, and usually cut with a little Coca-Cola because otherwise it's too pungent. Also, there must be a great deal of ice.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard? Really hard as opposed to just sniveling? Hmm...last night.

12. Who took your profile picture? I did.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? The Evil Genius. Unless you count Flat Aunt Becky (post about her coming in the next day or two).

14. Was yesterday better than today? Why? No. Most of my days are much of a muchness...but they improve slightly because each day that passes is one less day awaiting Someone's return to Casa de Crazy.

15. Can you live a day without TV? I can live days, weeks, and moths without television, and have done. As much as I adore my programs - they are filler, a way to pass otherwise empty time. Because I watch National Geographic and the Discovery family of channels for the most part, at least I'm learning something...but it's still filler. Also...I have TiVo, so, you know...I can always watch later.

16. Are you upset about anything now? The usual suspects - namely, my apparent inability to grasp whatever simple thing most other people grasp that lets them get along in and succeed in the workaday world.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? Yes, even the failed ones. They all have their moments of brilliance and of shadow, and I appreciate those moment equally.

18. Are you a bad influence? I'd like to think so.

19. Night out or night in? Both.

20. What items could you not go without during the day? Oxygen is right up there...

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? Oh, hmm...I can't recall...although I suspect it may have been Gypsy when she had just had Mouse. Unless you count my trip last summer with the Evil Genius to the ER.

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? I don't know - I don't text.

23. How do you feel about your life right now? It has good points and bad points. They are about even, although I'm happier than usual so that's nice...

24. Do you hate anyone? Nope. Hatred is a waste.

25. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find? I have a Facebook inbox? I have no idea what's in it. The Internet version of dust bunnies?? Also...who's "we"?

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? I don't test well...but yes...

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? Hah! Hahahah...ahhh....hahahah....whew...

28. What song is stuck in your head? Tonight it's After the Goldrush by Neil Young, thanks to BHJ and his blog post today.

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2 a.m., whom do you want it to be? It had better be Superman or some other flying person, as my window is two storeys up!

30. Do you (or did you) want to have grandkids before you’re 50? No. The Evil Genius will only be nineteen, and unless he wants to have children at that young age and is prepared for all they entail, I hope he will not be helping to produce them. I am presuming that I will have raised him well enough that he understands when you help make one, you help raise it. If you aren't ready to take responsibility, then you either use birth control or you don't have sex. That's how I feel about it in a nutshell, anyway.

31. Tell us your Saturday night. Same as any other night - make dinner, play with/teach/read to Evil Genius, tidy kitchen, put Evil Genius to bed, talk to Someone on the phone, hang out in the Blue Nowhere, write, go to bed. Whee.

32. Do you think too much or too little? Probably too much. I think...

33. Do you smile a lot? More and more, lately.

Psst, Look Over There

I have a new post up at my sadly neglected other blog, Mainstream Green. Because you don't have enough to read. Go have a look....puhleeeeeze??

A Letter

Dear Fellow Motorists,

Please forgive me if I jump right in here, but I have some things on my mind that I simply must share.

That lever? The one on the left side of the steering column? It's not just a place to hang your hat - when used correctly, it will actually tell other motorists that you intend to turn or make a lane change! I know! Such a novel concept! That's what the blinking yellow light on the back of my van means, by the way - that I intend to turn or change lanes. It's not an invitation to accelerate and take that space I'd like to occupy or to hover just off my flank in anticipation of claiming the spot I'm trying to vacate, thereby making it near impossible to vacate the space you want without knocking you into next week in the process.

Texting while driving is entertaining for all, it is best left to distracted teens with little experience behind the wheel.

Also, when the highway speed limit sign mentions a minimum speed, they aren't kidding. Maintaining a difference in speed of more than twenty miles per hour is fun, I know - we all love watching people slam on their brakes in a desperate attempt to keep from investigating the interior of another vehicle's exhaust pipe - but it's dangerous, and should be reserved instead for small, two lane roads with plenty of hills and blind curves for maximum effect.

Next time your friend breaks down on a small road with little clearance to either side at a well used railroad crossing, please consider carefully whether you really want to put your own vehicle into reverse and back into oncoming traffic, causing several of those approaching vehicles to take evasive action and several more to stop abruptly on those same railroad tracks with no way around you and unable to reverse off the tracks due to traffic build up. I know it's unreasonable, really, to hope you'd give it so much as a thought, but selfish as I am I cannot help asking that you not endanger me, my child, or my beloved Astro van like that again.

By the way, the added fun of the rapidly brightening train headlight was really very festive. I can honestly say I've never had such an interesting and illuminating drive home before. And when I rather rudely referred to some people being dumber than a bag of hammers as I eased onto the shoulder and around you, I assure you I meant no insult to those useful tools, so your gesture in defense of hammers everywhere was not strictly necessary.

In addition, I would like to point out that while I find the sudden need to use the brakes a stimulating test of my reflexes, perhaps you might leave more than a half inch between us when you rapidly change lanes on a dark, rainy highway because the truck in front of you is going two miles an hour slower than you'd like...especially when I am going fifteen miles per hour faster than you feel comfortable with. Next time, consider waiting until I have passed you and all that lovely, empty road behind me is yours for the taking. And? Really, it's best to leave a gap of at least two coats of paint between you and the vehicles around you. I have very good tires on my van, and they do their best, but my van and I both have large, heavy backsides, and sudden application of braking mechanisms causes us both to shimmy and occasionally fishtail, which may look like good times but really? Not so much.

Finally, please remember that the brightest setting on your headlights is well suited for signalling the mother ship or fooling wildlife into thinking the sun is suddenly up and brighter than usual...but is rather unpleasant in the eyes of oncoming traffic. Is it too much to ask that you dim the lights before my corneas are burned entirely out?

Thank you for your consideration. I wish you happy motoring...as long as I'm nowhere near where you're driving!

What a Life

This is Maya.
She's curled up on the blanket on my lap.

"It's a tough life, but someone has to live it."

Comforters

I have a Flat Aunt Becky post in the offing...I just haven't loaded the photos onto the computer yet. Sigh. Maybe later this week. Meanwhile, I'm feeling a bit...apathetic... Wait, how is that new?? Never mind.

My cats have taken to perching on me whenever I sit down. They curl up around me at night, holding me in whatever position I manage to take before they settle. They take turns purring, two on, two off, all night. It's like being in one of those vibrating beds you see in the movies, the ones that are coin operated and always malfunctioning...not that I've ever been in a bed like that. If I ever was in one of those beds, I'd dump quarters into it and see if I could get it to scramble eggs...or mix chocolate milk...or whip cream. Heh. Culinary fun for fleabag prices, score!!

It's chilly inside Casa de Crazy. I'm having a slight depression. Yes, it is slight. I know what a big one is like, and this ain't it. Good times. It's chilly inside Casa de Crazy, too, because I can't afford to turn up the heat beyond its current slightly-warmer-than-sub-arctic setting. I'm depressed and I'm broke. The Evil Genius has taken to actually wearing clothes around the house. I know! The kid who thinks underwear is too much to ask is putting on pants, shirts, and even socks! Will wonders never cease?? We sit around under blankets like Indian Chiefs (you know what? I don't feel like being PC today, and anyway, what other phrase brings the mental picture to mind that "Indian Chiefs" does??) and pretend it's all good.

The cats, who have their own little fur coats, don't like it chilly. So they nest on me. They'd nest on the Evil Genius, too...but he doesn't keep still long enough. If I could rig a giant hamster wheel to the house and get him on it, I wouldn't need to pay a power bill - the EMC would be paying me!

Sometimes, one of the cats in particular will sit on my leg and stare most earnestly at me. She may or may not let loose a piteous "MEOW" while staring deeply into my eyes. I think she's worried. She knows I'm sad. She knows all is not right in the Queendom of Crazy, and she doesn't like it. She likes it when I turn the heat up to "tropical splendor". And she's got a fur coat!

I know her concern is motivated by self-interest...but it's still sweet. They're like furry little comforters, trying to warm the cold places blankets, heat pumps, and hope can't reach.
~~~~~
I'm working on some holiday projects for Etsy. Cards. Ornaments. I may sell one of my kidneys (hey, Etsy is for selling things you made yourself...and if I didn't make my kidney, who did??). In the spirit of apathy, I may or may not tell you when I've posted them for sale. Are you thrilled? Good...at least one of us is.

Not Even An "A" for Effort

Sunday was a slow e-mail day for me, but I did have this little charmer in my in-box (copied as I got it, no editing, honest!):

FROM: MRS. SUSAN GIGS.

UNICEF would be very interested in offering you a part-time paying job in which you will earn about $1,750 US monthly with Benefits. Before I go any further, I would like to brief you more about the Program. Our organization is a foundation which enhances social sensitivity to children (UNICEF) with various problems faced by the less privileged and joining hands together in the developing world. We Improve the competence of professionals working with children in diagnosis and Intervention in cases of children heart problem. Every year, nearly 10 million children die before their fifth birthday, and half of these deaths occur in ASIA, Our research pointed out.
As the Program director of this zonal , I am in charge of the life saving program and fund raising for the less privilege, though myself and my life saving associates travel a lot. Presently, we have just been granted a fund raising to head a Charity Support Project in the tropical regions of the World starting with Europe,regarding surgical issues related to heart diseases and provision of basic amenities in support to humanitarian services and this would be commencing very soon, however our funding were by our donors that sends to us the bunch of payments mostly in US Based mode of Payments.

UNICEF would be willing to employ you on contract basis to be our Payment Representative back in the states, this way our donors could issue and make these Payments out to you, you could then cash them easily,you will deduct 10% as your commission for the great service you have rendered in support to saving life's and then Send the rest back to various charity homes that would be provided to you.

You will also stand the chances of being a part of our future and the excellence of an Institute in which you will be highly appreciated.I would be glad if you accept our proposal and Unicef intend to commence on Starting as soon as you are ready.
If you are interested, I would want you to kindly fill your details below, so that Unicef can verify ASAP.

FULL NAME:
PHYSICAL ADDRESS:
CITY:
STATE:
ZIP CODE:
COUNTRY:
PHONE NUMBER (S):
GENDER:
OCCUPATION
AGE:
NATIONALITY:

Remember, the lives of these children "less privilege" depends on your good work and trust because, trust is all we need to make the world a better Place to live in.

MRS. SUSAN GIGS.
(DIRECTOR OFFICER FOR UNICEF)
~~~~~

OK...now, UNICEF is a huge organization run by the United Nations. They have plenty of people in every member nation to do their work for them. I would wager that they have people lined up out the door who would dearly love to work for such an organization...they don't need to blind-solicit on the Internet.

Also, I would like to think that UNICEF would employ people with a better grasp of grammar and syntax than this letter displays. It's like these scammers make the errors on purpose to weed out the folks smart enough to catch them - if you've intelligence enough to recognize the letter is BS, then you've intelligence enough to know you're being phished.

Also, also...I'm fairly certain the the UN and any organization attached to it would consider me the last person they'd want working for them, given my attitude about that pack of thieves, liars, and just plain jackasses fine group of folks and their good work.

It was bad enough when it was just that stupid "Help me smuggle funds out of whatever African nation I say I'm from" letter. Annoying when it was the "You've won a lottery from a random European nation despite the fact you've never been there, don't know anyone there, may not be able to find it on a map and never bought a ticket" letter. Irritating when it was "Hi, I'm a random American soldier you've never met or heard of and I found a bunch of cash in Baghdad and need help smuggling the loot out" letter. But now an international children's relief organization? There's a special place in the negative afterlife of your choice for you, Ms Gigs (or whoever you really are, you Internet-scamming, e-mail phishing, retirement-fund-thieving rat-bastard). I've got your "trust" right here...

In case you're interested:

The real UNICEF, including actual employment opportunities.

So...Yeah.

This song has been stuck in my head lately. I think it's because of some conversations swirling around in my life with several folks about being who we are, being honest, being "allowed" to simply be ourselves without pretense, without putting on our masks. It sort of falls in with the concept of perfect love I wrote about last month.

Random Shots

I'm drawing a blank, so here are some random photos...a sort of Photofetti, if you will (and even if you won't). Today I'm taking the Evil Genius to have his picture taken with The Holly King/Santa. I am thinking about dressing him in shorts and a tropical print shirt, because why not? Is there some rule that says all pictures with the big guy have to be in Winter Garb??

Then I'm hangin' with mum for the rest of the day, spending the night at her place, and going to the gallery tomorrow. Try to contain your excitement.

On with the photos.
~~~~~

I made this card in September, to sell at the gallery. I try to get holiday cards made a bit early, to give them time to sell. Tomorrow, I'll be making Yule/Christmas cards. If they don't sell, guess what I'm mailing those Holly King/Santa pics off to my family in?? I hand cut all those bits of paper. Except the leaves - I borrowed a punch for those. Maybe if I'm no a complete slacker, I'll get some shots of the holiday ones. Try to contaian your excitement.

I got these crayons for three dollars at Borders - they were on sale for some reason. They're triangular and don't have paper wrappers on them. I like them.

This is my wheelbarrow, full of water because it's been sitting outside for over a year. Now I know where the mosquitoes were coming from all summer. I don't get around that side of the house much. It was supposed to be under the house in the crawl space, but never got put away despite assurances it would be. Not that I'm bitter or anything. Oh, well - it made for some pretty pictures, anyway. It's still there, quietly rusting...I'll deal with it when I get home tomorrow.

This bush...this bush glows in the Autumn, and I try to capture the way it takes sunlight, paints it crimson, and gives it back...and every year I fail. I keep trying, though.

Her highness approves of the basket of yarn oddments placed carefully in a window where there's plenty of sun. It's almost as if someone living here knows what cats like.

I think they're planning something...

A grey day outside my window, earlier this week.

Hello, little maple leaf...so bright, it caught my eye from across the yard. I like the contrast of the dark oak, with its veiny texture.

The Evil Genius preparing for a concert. Don't all rock stars keep their drumsticks down their shorts?? Never mind...don't answer that...

What Does It All Meme?

Yeah, yeah...

1. What is the color of your toothbrush? Blue and white.Picture snagged from randon Internet search
2. Name one person who made you smile today. Someone. He always makes me smile. And the Evil Genius...he's good for more than a few grins and giggles, too.

3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Wishing I was asleep.

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Talking to Someone on the phone.

5. What is your favorite candy bar? Umm...I don't have one...I like most of them...which is why I had a fifty-acre ass.

6. Have you ever been to a strip club? Yes. Yes I have.

Picture snagged from randon Internet search.
7. What is the last thing you said aloud? I love you.

8. What is your favorite ice cream? Hmm...I can narrow it down to Breyer's vanilla, coffee, peach, or strawberry, or Ben and Jerry's Phish Food.

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Water.

10. Do you like your wallet? It's a little thin, but yes.

11. What was the last thing you ate? Green beans.

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? No. Not last week or the week before or last month or...umm...I can't remember the last time I bought clothing...I think it was earlier this year, though.

13. The last sporting event you watched? Umm...baseball in the driveway...
14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Plain buttered.

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? I don't text.

16. Ever go camping? Many times.

17. Do you take vitamins daily? In fact, I do...

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? I'm pagan...I live in, on, around and surrounded by my church twenty-four, seven...
19. Do you have a tan? Nope.

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? I don't prefer one over the other...

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? I don't drink soda.

22. What did your last text message say? Nothing. I don't text...

23. What are you doing tomorrow? More of the same - educating my son, cooking, cleaning, and maybe writing.

24. Favorite color? Blue.

25. Look to your left; what do you see? A lamp table, some books, a cup of water, my cell phone case, a box of Kleenex...

26. What color is your watch? I used to carry a pocket watch......that I adored, because it kept steadily erratic time, but it's not working just now, needs repair, so I'm not wearing a timepiece at the moment. My cellphone is the closest thing, and it's blue.

27. What do you think of when you hear “Australia”? I'd like to visit there some day.

28. Would you strip for money? I think it's more likely I'd be paid not to undress, or to put my clothing back on.

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Usually I drive through, but I try not to hit it.

30. What is your favorite number? 13

31. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone? Someone.

32. Any plans today? More of the same.

33. In how many states have you lived? Let's see - confusion, depression, chaos...oh, wait...you mean US states! Hmm...5.

34. Biggest annoyance right now? Car alarms, rude people, slamming doors, my inability to make a living with my art.

35. Last song listened to? Three Little Birds.

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? Yes.

37. Do you have a maid service clean your house? I wish...I'm going to end up BEING the maid service for some folks if I don't sell a story or some photographs or a kidney...

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? Forgive me, shoephiles (if that's not a word, it should be), for I have sinned...I love my Crocs. However, I would go back to wearing Tevas if they still made Teradactyls...

39. Are you jealous of anyone? Nope.

40. Is anyone jealous of you? Not that I know of...who would be, and why??

41. Do you love anyone? Oh...yes...yes, I do...

42. Do any of your friends have children? Yep, most of them do.

43. What do you usually do during the day? Educate my son, cook, clean, and sometimes write.

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? No. Hatred is a waste of emotion.

45. Do you use the word hello daily? Yes.

46. What color is your car? Red...

47. What size wedding ring do you wear? No longer married, no ring.

48. Are you thinking about someone right now? Why yes, I have Someone on my mind.

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Yep.

50. How did you get your worst scar? Head + Windscreen = Ouch

Thoughtfetti

I was baking brownies at ten-o'clock last night, because I suddenly needed to bake brownies. Don't ask me why. Who had the craving, huh?

I'm thinking of baking some bread and bringing it to my barista at Borders tonight. Just because.
~~~~~
I have a compost pile again. I tried to start one earlier in the year, but it fizzled - partly because something (or several somethings) was treating it like a buffet, and partly because when I was out of town, the compostables bowl in the kitchen didn't get emptied and I came home to a fuzzy alien mold colony and clouds of tiny flying fruit thingies, and after a couple of repeats I decided it wasn't worth the aggravation.

A couple of weeks ago, I did some yard work and Someone hauled all the tree and bush trimmings and pulled weeds to the pile...so now I'm adding to it again. I'd love to have a composter, but am fine with just tossing stuff in a pile and letting nature do what she's been doing for bazillions of years.

~~~~~

While I'm wishing for stuff...how about a few rain barrels?? I could fill a swimming pool with what we've been getting lately!

~~~~~

Two days of wind and rain have mulched my front steps and yard for me. I own a couple of rakes, but why bother? Unless I want to make a leaf pile for the Evil Genius to jump in, there's no reason to move the leaves. Anyway, I think they're pretty. Plus, I'm lazy, so there's that.

Dear Veterans,

Thank you.

The Music of the Night

The conductor raises her baton...
~~~~~
First movement, allegretto:

Hmmmmmzzzzzwssshhhhhhhhh...
Crinkle...
Thubadathubadathubadathubadathubada...
Crinkle, crunkle...
"Meow..."

Second movement, presto:

Hmmmmmzzzzzwssshhhhhhhhhaaaahhhh...
Fffft....hssss...yowl...thubadathubadathunk...
Galumph, galumph, galumphshwshhssssskritch...
Whush, whush, whush, ee-ee, whush, whush...
Glug, glug, gurgle, glug...
Crinklycrunklycracklycrinkle!!!
Dingle.
Dingle dingle.
DINGLE!!!!!!!!!
"Meo-ow..."

Third movement, presto:

Wooooooozzzhhhhhh...
Crash! Bang! Boom!!
Thubadagalumphthubadagalumphscrabble, scrabble, sliiiiiiiiiiide...
Hmmmmmzzzzzwssshhhhhhhhh...
Ack...ack...glurghltyblorgh...MEOOOOOOWWW...

Fourth movement, andante:

Crinkle...
Dingle...
Puuurrrrrr...
~~~~~
The conductor lowers her baton.

Who Wants Music On Monday?

Well...I do. So there.


Whew...makes my hands tired just watching.

Time for a rest...


And finally, something I might have done, had I continued my classical training...although I sincerely doubt I would have done it half as well.

It seems effortless, the way they send their voices floating out so gracefully. Don't let their relaxed air fool you - that's work! I tried to sing along, but I'm an alto, and a low one at that...many of my high notes were best left unvoiced, and the cats were quite concerned for my well-being - the sounds emanating from me must have reminded them of something in pain!!

What have you been listening to lately?

Dreamgirl

Once upon a time, a long time ago...when most stories begin, in a house far, far away, where most stories take place, there lived a girl with her mother...

Well...I wasn't a girl, really. Technically I was past"girl" and well into at least "young woman", closer to"adult" and "hey, why aren't you making payments on your own house by now?".

I had a few friends, not many.

One of my friends was a nice young man, handsome fellow, bisexual and coming to terms with that. He was a poet, clever, and good-hearted. Of course, I had a wicked crush on him. Of course, I didn't dare say or do anything about that - I was afraid I'd run him off. That was deep into my "really, no one wants me, I fat, I'm ugly, and I'm damaged goods" phase of life, and I just knew if I made my feelings known, he'd be justifiably horrified.

We used to sit on the front steps and talk late into the night.

Of course he figured out I had feelings for him...and poor fellow, he felt just awful that he didn't reciprocate. He let me down gently, bless him, and we segued into more solid friendship without a hitch.

Except...

Well. There was one little hitch. Red haired, grey eyed, sweet and impish, she relentlessly pursued me through my dreams. I whispered her name in my sleep. Of course I knew her name...she was my daughter. Well...not really. But..really.

Every night, night after night, I dreamed about her, this little girl. She giggled, frolicked, and romped her way through my dreams. In the waking world, I saw red-headed children everywhere. They were surrounding me, suddenly.

I stopped sleeping.

I couldn't bear it, seeing this girl who never was and never would be, combination of me and my friend (he had red hair, freckles). We'd never had The Sex or anything...she was a phantom, cooked up by my brain, a combination of my heartfelt hope to one day have a daughter and my affection for my friend, meant to torture me because my brain is hurtful and mean like that.

Eventually my friend moved out of state. The dreams faded. Life went on.

From time to time, I would dream of her, and I would dread her appearance. There was no rhyme or reason to her visits - she'd pop in for a night or three and then be on her merry way without any indication why she'd come or how long she'd be gone. She didn't always look the same, but she was the same child nonetheless.

Always, I dreaded her. Not that she was evil or did anything awful...but the morning after she visited, I would wake feeling empty and hurt.

Even after I had the Evil Genius (whom I love beyond all reason), she would pay infrequent calls. I tried explaining to her that the Evil Genius was it...there would be no more children after him. Not that I can't have them, but that I won't. She doesn't care that I won't compromise Bird's quality of life to satisfy my need for a daughter. I've resisted her for nearly twenty years.

That's a long time to fight a phantom, especially one that represents something you ache for.

If I'd had her when I first dreamt of her, she'd be in college by now...coming home to do laundry, raid the fridge, terrorize the cats and horrify her mother with tales of campus life, and I'd still be losing sleep over her.

Well, she's back.

There's nothing significant in this, don't panic (I can hear my Mum's heart pounding from here). She's just a dream, and as far as I know that's all she'll ever be. She doesn't mean I'm pregnant, about to win the lottery, or eating too much cheese. Just a dream.

Katherine Saoirse, my dreamgirl, back to visit her nevermum.

No Doz, anyone?

One Tree

I had a rough start yesterday. I wrote a blog about it. It was a whiny blog. I did not like it. I deleted it.

I had to run an errand or two, which meant leaving the house. I did not want to. I wanted to retract into the house like a snail and avoid the world that was bothering me until it went away. Still. I promised a friend I'd bake a cake for her son's birthday. You cannot promise a birthday cake and not deliver. There's a special place in perdition for people who promise cake and don't deliver. I do not intend to go there, not even to visit. Also, I do not break my word, ever, for any reason, period.

So out I went, to run my errands, Evil Genius in tow.

I saw the sky. I saw the trees. I saw the light, pouring over everything.

I came home, grabbed the camera, and went out the front door shooting. Thank you, tree.

Where Gods Live

I used to say "God is why. Not the answer, the question."

Talk to a young child and you'll understand. They ask "Why?" a lot. Why is the sky blue? Why can't I stick a fork in the outlet? Why?

For every question you answer, they have another waiting in the wings. If you're reasonably intelligent, reasonably educated, you can go a long time before you get to "I don't know."

But when you get to "I don't know" you've found one of the places where Gods dwell. Eventually, no matter how smart we are, no matter how much we know...we come to the place where we don't have an answer. Thanks to science and technology, that place is a long way off from our daily life, but it's still there. The place of mystery, of unanswered questions, the murky dark where there be dragons...and Gods.

I've heard it said that Science killed God. Respectfully, I disagree. Certainly, Science has removed some of the mystery behind the world in which we live...but for every answer it finds, more questions come up, and eventually I think even Science will come to a stumbling halt at the final "Why?" and go to its knees.

I think, too, that Gods live in uncertainty. I can make every effort to choose wisely, to walk with eyes open, knowingly, along my oath...but there will inevitable come a time when I find the trail divided, and have no way to know what will happen down the way. Which trail do I take, which choice to I make? Ah...there the Gods are, hovering in the background, silently helping me feel my was along until I can find my own way again. Even when I've chosen a rougher road, I know they're there when I need them, lending an arm to lean on, helping when I falter or fail, dusting me off and setting me right again.

I've felt them in my life, my Gods and Goddesses, felt their warm presence, their love, their joy...never have I felt them punishing me (I do that to myself better than they could), but often have I felt them bolstering me when I felt small and weak in the Universe.

They live in "Why?" and in "Help!", in sea and stone and cloud and sun, and in me. How about you?

I'm Pretty Sure She'll Recover

Ahem.

If you have delicate sensibilities, you may want to go find something else to read, today.

Seriously.

Not kidding.

OK, then, read on if you will...but you were warned.
~~~~~
I take several medications, when I can afford them. One of those medications causes some unfortunate side effects. Not all the time, only when I eat things that I shouldn't. So...all the time, then.

I'm talkin' gas, people, and I don't mean fuel - although I could power a space shuttle with my output, when it's really fierce.

Not polite, ladylike toots.

Eruptions of epic proportions.

Couple that with my recent mass consumption of pumpkin seeds (I can't stop eating them, dear Goddess, they're so good, someone please help me), which also tend to create...erm...a situation...and there's good reason to fear for your life around Casa de Crazy these days.

Thank you, Goddess, Someone is not here to witness this outbreak, or he might run for the hills, never to return.

This morning, Rook wasn't so lucky.

When I woke, it was to a familiar sensation - venting was imminent. Cats were curled in various strategic places around me, happy to share the blankets and the occasional pet. I couldn't get up in a hurry without causing havoc, and anyway, it's just gas, so I closed my eyes, said a silent apology to the ozone layer, and let her rip.

Flabadabadabadabadap!

Whew.

There was a wee squeak near the end. Huh.

Then, wriggling.

Then Rook emerged from under the covers, dazed, scorched, and more than a little cross-eyed. She staggered left. She staggered right. She shook her head, sneezed, and squeaked again. She looked back to where she'd been, shook herself, staggered again...and fell off the bed.

Whoopsie.

She's still walking a little sideways...

Punk(in)d

I didn't get many photos of the pumpkin fun - too busy taking part. It was raining when I took pictures of the jack-o-lanterns outside, so they aren't great, either...but hopefully they'll do.

Mum and Someone opted for Pumpkin Masters patterns. Usually I do one of those, too, but this year I wanted to freehand a design.
Mum was checking Someone out. You know how Mums can be - protective of their young.

Someone pretended not to notice. But he did floor Mum when he mentioned cleaning the cat box that morning...because he noticed it needed doing. I know!!

Rook wanted in on the fun...

We carved for a couple of hours and placed the results on the steps. I did two, mine and Bird's. He scooped out the innards and drew a design on his, but I'm still not comfortable giving him a sharp blade and setting him loose on a hapless squash.

My friend and sister of my heart, K, brought this one with her:

Here's Mum's:

The one I took without the flash, all glowy and cool, didn't turn out. Dang. I think they show better without the flash.

Here's Someone's:

Cool, huh??

Here's my silly face:

Hey, I drew that bad boy freehand! A bit simplistic, but considering my artistic endeavors usually result in poorly drawn stick figures...

Bird's design, drawn on with a pen and carved out by his bemused mother with a tiny saw:

I think it's a biclops, but don't quote me on that. Happy little thing, whatever it is.

Did you carve pumpkins? Do you prefer patterns or more traditional designs?

What Say You?

The Playoffs Were Never This Much Fun

I know, I know, y'all want pumpkin pics. Well...they'll come...later. I like writing about the week in chronological order. I'm OCD like that.

Since we were up late Wednesday night, we all slept late Thursday morning. I made blueberry pancakes for breakfast, and Someone had a present for Bird - a ball and glove! Well, the day being fine and nothing else pressing, we had to go outside and try them out. After a little time trying the glove on both hands and trying to catch with it, Bird wanted to bat.

Someone showed him how to hold the bat and told him how to swing.

Then they had a discussion about running bases, foul balls, outs, or something like that. I don't speak Baseball very well, and between bouts of photographing, I was doing yard work.

After the chat, it was time to toss a few! That speck in the center of the top third is the ball, flying high. Umm...Sir? I believe you're supposed to fling the thing toward the batter...

Ahh...that's better...

I didn't get any pictures of them playing Frisbee or kicking the big balls around...I was trimming bushes and removing saplings and weeding, things I can't often get done outside because I'm usually the one playing with the relentless bundle of energy that is my son. I enjoyed seeing and hearing the kids...er...my son and Someone...at play.

Between bouts of kicking, catching, and occasionally retrieving balls from treetops, Someone hauled all my trimmings to the compost pile. Wow!

We retired indoors after three hours of perpetual motion. Bird had quiet time, and Someone and I sat on the front steps and enjoyed a little quiet time with the wildlife.

Thursday evening, we headed down to Borders, where Someone was lightly grilled met my discussion group/friends.

That about sums up Thursday. An ordinary sort of day from the outside looking in, I'm sure...but lovely from my perspective.

Swan Song

Don't panic...it's just a blog title. I didn't want to call this one "thoughtfetti", although it is somewhat scattered. This entry's pre-written, because I had/have to get up super early Sunday morning to take Someone back to the airport. Not hat I wanted to, and forgetting to set the alarm is/was awfully tempting...sigh...


But...if he doesn't go home, he can't come back. And come back he will. Yep. But that's all I have to say about that...for now...


So...maybe instead I should call this Swanfetti? Yeah...I like that.


If you know who Someone is, you'll get that. If not, well...chalk it up to lack of sleep or too much pumpkin cake or something.
~~~~~
I drove to the airport for the first time in years. Whew. Parking was...adventurous. Because of the later hour, though, once we managed to get into the parking deck, there we plenty of spaces near the door we wanted. Sweet!

Bird was excited to meet Someone, but he forgot about that for a few minutes when we stood outside and watched planes taking off and landing. He was enchanted.

We watched people debarking from the plane, and a soldier came along. Evil Genius and I both said "Thank you!" to the nice man, who smiled and thanked us back. I think we may have made his evening.

The Evil Genius was quite reserved upon first meeting Someone, but he soon got over that. They've spent the last few days playing together - baseball, Frisbee, soccer, kickball, on the swing set, in the yard, and inside the house. Pictures will follow in a day or two, when I've recovered from late nights, early mornings, and an active household.

Some things my son has said recently:

"I didn't like that, but it was fun!" when Someone lifted him onto his shoulder for a turn around the living room.

"I was like a pickle between two soft buns!" when he was hugging Someone and I joined in, smushing the little guy between us.

I've more to tell, but it'll have to wait...I want to spend the last bit of time I can with this man I love before he has to go home...for now...