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"...besides love, independence of thought is the greatest gift an adult can give a child." - Bryce Courtenay, The Power of One

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Wednesday, February 6, 2013

If Only I Was a 'Bean*

Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.

Hear me out.

I like men.  I love men.  I enjoy masculine energy.  I like the way men smell (well, most of the time), the way they sound (although sometimes the noises emanating from their hindquarters can be a little...distressing), and the way they feel (rough, smooth, firm, soft, warm, cool, delightful).  I like when a man looks at me like he thinks I'm okay.  It makes me feel warm and happy when Someone looks at me like he doesn't want to look at anyone else in the moment, like he thinks I am marvelous.  I like lying in his arms at night, warm and safe in his circle.  I wouldn't trade that for anything.

That said, do sometimes wish I was a lesbian.


Because I know some beautiful, amazing women, that's why.

I know some sexy, intelligent, funny, daring, bold, witty, compassionate, kind, strong, brave, adventurous, creative, thoughtful, caring, wonderful women.  Some of them prefer women, some prefer men, and some are happy to dip in both pools.  If I was inclined towards the feminine I'd have one heck of an array to delight in.  The idea of loving, and being loved by, these incredible women is a provocative one.

I like talking to other women.  I like cuddling with other women (hey, I'm cheap, I'll share a bed in a motel if it means I don't have to pay for a whole room).  I dig female energy.  I'm just not attracted in THAT way, which sometimes is a pity because, again, I know some brilliant ladies.  Presuming they were into me, I'd be only lucky lassie!

I don't suppose same sex relationships are any less work, any less complicated, than heterosexual relationships.  I don't suppose they are better or worse.  I do wonder if women (or men) can relate better to each other than do the different sexes.  I wonder if we are more capable of empathy with our own.  I know that I am more comfortable addressing certain issues with my female friends than with the men in my life, things I think my gender community is better suited to understand than is the opposite sex.  It's a bias I am comfortable with.

So I sometimes think I am missing out on something pretty good, not being a 'bean...but I am what I am, so I will simply keep on loving my ladies in a sororal kind of way and let that suffice.

Have you ever felt that way?

*In my youthj, I lived with a gay man who called lesbians "beans", for short, and for some reason it sticks in my head...

1 comment:

Holly said...

Hmm....not really. I've wondered about it and sometimes I am very attracted to a certain female, but it's more like I idolize her for certain qualities or aspects. There is one young woman who is so remarkably stunning and nice that I think anyone would want to be with her, sexually speaking. But, she's the only one I've ever come close to thinking that way about.

Having been raised by my father, the first parat of my life, I could and would only relate comfortably to masculine energy. I had little use for women and found them to be very trying to be around.

When I was in my late 30s, I finally began to understand a great deal of my emotional problems were stemming from my refusal to accept, incorporate, and honor female energy. I was very fortunate to be guided toward the wonderful aspects of the Divine Feminine via some absolutely outstanding females. I have finally been blessed with a better balance. But, I can't say I've been sexually attracted to another woman.