Quote of the day...er...week...umm...hey, look, a quote!!

Tibi gratias agimus quod nihil fumas.

It says "...freedom of...", not "...freedom from...".

Nolite te bastardes carburundorum!

"It's amazing to me how many people think that voting to have the government give poor people money is compassion. Helping poor and suffering people is compassion. Voting for our government to use guns to give money to help poor and suffering people is immoral self-righteous bullying laziness. People need to be fed, medicated, educated, clothed, and sheltered, and if we're compassionate we'll help them, but you get no moral credit for forcing other people to do what you think is right. There is great joy in helping people, but no joy in doing it at gunpoint." - Penn Jillette

Friday, November 16, 2012

Down But Not Out?

In the next few days we will once again experience a hitch in our gitalong here at Casa de Crazy; despite my best (well, maybe a little lackadaisical) efforts, I have not been able to keep up with the phone bills, so AT&T will be declining to continue our service until I make good with the dough...which means no Blue Nowhere for a bit unless I manage to pull a sizable chunk of dosh out of my bum, which is unlikely.  Even a fifty-acre ass has its limitations.

I do not enjoy this half-assed existence I'm living, despite how it may seem.  My self-esteem is non-existent.  My desire to continue breathing is nil.  I'm so damned tired all the time my head is swimming and aches, my vision is blurry, and my entire body feels (on a daily basis) as though it was used for batting practice.

Worst of all, there is no end in sight, and the idea that all I can do lately is drag people down into the muck with me is a weight I don't have the energy or desire to carry any more.

I wish I could just. Give. Up.

I am dragging my ass through the days wondering when I became this person I am ashamed to be, struggling to do something, anything, and feeling the failure wash me away.

I used to think I had something to offer, that my writing or music or photos or anything I did was worth a damn, but lately it just seems to be more pointless crap I have wasted time and resources on.

It's not nice to fell worthless all the time.

Oh, well...life rolls on...right over me...


1 comment:

Momlady said...

Know that you are special to a number of people.