I'm alive today.
Today I am alive.
It hardly seems an accomplishment, not something to be proud of, not like climbing Everest or saving someone from a rampaging lion or performing open heart surgery. But it is.
For me, alive can sometimes be a victory.
I am alive.
Tired, yes, and worn. My eyes are puffy and my hair is a mess. My shirt is torn and my pants are stained. But. I am alive.
I made it through the dark hours, when my mind would not stop, not even slow, not for a moment relent and give me peace. I made it through the sibilant whispers, insidious voices telling me that I am a failure, that struggling, that the constant fight, all of it, is useless, pointless. I made it through the loneliness that washes over me and drags me under every. Single. Night.
I am alive today.
I am mentally ill. I don't slay dragons. I do battle with my own mind, a psyche that has been turning on me since I was a child.
I am alive today.
Alive.
So many warriors of the mind have fallen, but I am still here. I am not always well armed, but I fight tooth and nail, scratching and clawing at the ravenous beast that has consumed so many souls. I can't make it give them back, but I can keep it from swallowing me whole.
I am alive.
I am alive, and I am mentally ill, and the two aren't always compatible but I make them work. I'm not weak. I'm not stupid. I'm not being punished by god or gods. I'm just wired differently. My brain malfunctions on a cellular level and there's no fixing it. No quantum mechanic to turn a wrench and make it right.
I am alive today. Some days, today, alive is all the victory I can claim, but it is still victory.
I am alive.
Quote of the day...er...week...umm...hey, look, a quote!!
"...besides love, independence of thought is the greatest gift an adult can give a child." - Bryce Courtenay, The Power of One
For old quotes, look here.
For old quotes, look here.
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1 comment:
And I'm so glad you are.
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