3, 2, 1, Yum!

Wow, it’s been a while.

Here at Casa de Crazy, we’ve been keeping to ourselves as much as possible...so, pretty much business as usual.

I’ve seen a few folks discussing their sudden homebody status and its effect on their waistlines.  I can empathize - I tend to graze, myself.

If I’m being honest, much of what I’m eating is nothing like healthy.  It’s a battle that I lose as often as I win.  It’s easier to make healthier choices when they’re readily available, dontcha think?

To that end, I took a few minutes this afternoon and threw together one of my favorite snacks:  Asian Cucumers.

The first time I had these was as K2’s house, and it was love at first bite.  She gave me the recipe, but I forgot it.  Tch.

No problem.  Good excuse to play in the kitchen!

A few years back I finally found a combination that I like, and here follows my recipe:

Thinly Sliced Cucumber (I use one sort of fattish, mediumish one)

Some Thinly Sliced Onion (any onion is fine, I used red because I like the added color and pungency)

For the dressing:

3 Tbsp Rice Vinegar (I use seasoned with garlic)

2 Tbsp Toasted Sesame Oil

1 Tbsp Soy Sauce

1 tsp sugar

Things you can add if you wanna:  garlic, red bell pepper, red pepper flakes, shredded carrot, honey instead of sugar, green onion, ginger, or sesame seeds.

Mix the dressing ingredients in your container.  I used a Ziploc Twist ‘n’ Loc medium sized, which I think is 1quart.  Now shake, shake, shake!

Next, layer  sliced onion and cucumbers in the container.  How much of each is up to you.  I like onion, so I use about 1/3 of a medium onion.

Shake it up again.  Fun!

Stick it in the fridge.  Give it a shake from time to time.  You can eat them right away, or let them sit overnight.  I like them to sit and think about life, the Universe, and everything.

The most difficult part of this recipe is the waiting, but it’s worth it.

Lemon-Garlic-Parmesan-Cream-Something

I can’t recall if I’ve already shared this recipe.  If I have, sorry for the leftovers.  If I haven’t, abundanza!

This is a “some” recipe.  No measuring, just some of this and some of that.  Add and subtract ingredients to suit you.

What’s in it:

Chicken or
Shrimp or
Scallops or
Crab or
Lobster or
Any or all of the above

Garlic.  Lots and lots of garlic.

Salt and pepper

Capers, when I remember/have them

Lemons

Chicken stock or broth or bullion paste

Heavy cream

Artichoke hearts (frozen) or
Asparagus or
Spinach (fresh) or
All of the above

Wine, sometimes

Some variety of pasta cooked to desired doneness, hot

How to make it:

Mince fresh garlic cloves into teeny minced cubes of mincedness.

Cut up some chicken or get the seafood components ready to cook.

Heat some butter and olive oil in a pan.  Salt and pepper it.  When it’s hot enough for you, toss in the garlic and some capers.  Stir ‘em around a little and add the meat.  Cook until pretty much done.

Pour in some chicken stock or broth, or stir in a goodly spoonful of the bullion paste.  If you use the paste, add a little water.

Stir it up and bring to a simmer.  Squeeze in some lemon juice.  I usually use one lemon’s worth, or so.  Pour in a little wine if you want.

Simmer a bit and then add in asparagus or artichoke hearts.  If you’re using spinach, hold off.

Cook until vegetables are almost done.  Add cream.  Simmer a little more.  Shake in grated Parmesan and stir it up.  Turn off the heat when it’s thick enough for ya.

Put a handful or three of spinach in a bowl.  Scoop cooked pasta on top.  Ladle sauce on top of the lot.  The heat of the sauce will just cook the spinach.  Good stuff!  Sprinkle more Parm on top, if you want.

Mmmmm...

Lasagna Rolls

Today is my ex-husband's birthday.  He's 46 again.  He said when he hit 50 he was going to start going backwards.

As is my wont, I asked him if he had any birthday plans, and when he said he didn't, I invited him to Casa de Crazy for a birthday dinner.  Since he likes lasagna, I thought I'd make lasagna rolls.  I like to make rolls rather than a traditional pan of lasagna because a traditional pan never gets finished and I wind up throwing half of it away, which makes me sad.  Rolls I can divvy up, freeze, and give away.

This is a pretty simply, not really home made dinner.

The players:
Lasagna noodles.  I use a box of Mueller's, cooked in salted water until almost-but-not-quite-done, and lay them out on paper towels to cool and dry.

Cooked ground beef, Italian Sausage, chicken, or whatever meat (or no meat) you want.  I cooked ground beef and added chunky garlic paste and Italian herb paste along with salt, pepper, and onion powder.

Ricotta cheese, into which I mixed ground Parmesan, chunky garlic paste, more Italian herb paste, and shredded six-cheese-Italian cheese blend and seasoned with salt, pepper, and onion powder.

Sliced mozzarella and sliced, non-smoke-flavored provelone.

Canned tomato sauce (I used Hunt's Garlic and Herb) and canned tomatoes (diced tomatoes with Basil, Garlic, and Oregano.

 Lay out a noodle on a paper towel, preferably patted dry so the cheese doesn't slip around.

Spread some of the ricotta mixture on the noodle, leaving the ends empty to make rolling them up a little easier.

 Sprinkle some of that six-cheese-Italian mix on top, because cheeeeeese.

Next come the meat, if you're using any.  Hey, I happen to know that spinach goes nicely in here, and while I'd rather burn my hair while it's still on my head than eat tofu or mushrooms, you are welcome to use my share in your lasagna rolls.  Now...roll 'em!

I put six in a loaf pan, because that's more than enough for us, and any extra rolls go in foil pans to freeze for later (I like to give them away).

Ladle tomato sauce (I mixed 2 cans of sauce with one can of tomatoes) over the top.

Top with mozzarella and provolone (or whatever cheese you want - you're cookin', it's all about you, baby!).

Bake at 350 until it's all bubbly and gooey and swoon-inducing.  I have no photos of that stage because we...we...we couldn't help ourselves!!!

I did get a photo of the to-go thingy that I'm sending home with T because I can't help it, I like to feed people and happy birthday, T!

We had brownies and ice cream for dessert, but I forgot to take photos of that because brownies and ice cream, man!!!

I am pretty sure dinner was enjoyed by all.

What're you up to, today?

In Which I Hit the Kitchen, But Not In A Violent Kind of Way (Unless You're A Chicken)

Awake for hours in the middle of the night?  Physical pain?  Depression?  Relationship disintegrated?  Bad dreams? Ayuh.

What to do, what to doooo...

Cook, of course, after running a couple of errands.  I wanted chicken soup, but decided that I wanted more than one chicken carcass for the stock, so I bought a whole, cooked chicken at the market.  Which meant I wanted to do something with the meat since I didn’t need it for the soup.

Rosemary chicken salad with cranberries, it is!

 Purple onion, celery, and dried cranberries with salt (Some day I'll tell you about my salt mix.  I adore it.), freshly ground black pepper, and rosemary, getting happy in the bowl.

Chicken - since I wanted the bones for the stock but already had plenty of meat, I used everything this dear bird had to offer.  A couple of generous dollops of mayo and it was ready to get all riled up.

 I'm going to let it sit and think about life, the Universe, and everything for a while, let all those flavors mingle like they were at a cocktail party, only without the cocktails or spiffy duds.

One of the reasons I went out into the world today was to get a new jar to hold the Chex Mix (not according to their recipe) I made last night.  I have my beloved giant pickle jars, usually, but the're all in use right now and who couldn't use another nifty, pretty glass jar? 

Score, and at 75% off, to boot!

Pretty...

Yes, I washed it before filling it with all that buttery, crunchy goodness.

Meanwhile, the stock is on the stove, slowly coming up to a simmer.  I'm still feeling pretty rotten inside my head, so I'm going to go lie down and see if I can sleep away some of the grump.  If I can't, I suspect there will be more shenanigans in Kitchen de Crazy, probably dark chocolate chip brownie type ones, possibly accompanied by vanilla-mocha buttercream frosting (or icing, I'm not picky).

How's your weekend shaping up?

Guac's Up

I've been feeling kind of low, lately.  When I'm feeling low, I sometimes don't want to clean (Oh, who am I kidding?  I never want to clean!) or cook or do anything.

Still, a body has to eat.  Since the Evil Genius is off with his father for the holidays, dinner's are a bit scattershot around Casa de Crazy.  Sprout doesn't usually want to eat whatever I'm having, so it's sandwiches or quesadillas, machos or hot dogs, and usually some kind of fruit.

This evening, while I was feeling sorry for myself in a general, I have depression kind of way, I opened the fridge and found myself at the receiving end of the reproachful gazes of a couple of avocados that have been lingering in there for a minute.  I always have the best intentions to use them, sliced on sandwiches or in salad or something, and then lose my ambition once I bring them home.

I wasn't feeling particularly inspired by anything, so I grabbed the avocados and decided to make Casa de Crazy style guacamole.

And then, because I have been a rather lame blogger for the last few years, I decided to share the recipe and pretend like I got something accomplished.  Woot!

The players:
Avocados.  How many?  I dunno, how much guac do you want?
Purple Onion
Garlic Cloves.  How many?  Umm...depends on how much you like garlic.
Lime, or limes.
Cayenne Powder.  Some folks use jalapeno peppers, and sometimes I do, too, but I didn't feel like seeding and removing membranes and then mincing the peppers.
Salt - I used ground Celtic sea salt because I like it.

Aaaaand...action!

Use whatever method you prefer to get the avocado out of the skin.  I tend to cut it around the equator, lengthwise, give a little twist, and separate the halves, then whap the seed with the knife blade, twist, and pop it out.  A sort of sideways sliding motion, pressing against the cutting board, gets the seed off the blade.  The I slice the flesh of the avocado into cubes while it's still in the skin and scoop it out with a spoon.

Mash the avocado chunks with a fork.

Mince the garlic and add it to the bowl.  For two avocados I used four cloves of garlic because no vampire's gonna get me!

Stir it up.

Slice thin slices of purple onion - I find that one slice per avocado used is a nice amount.  Mince the onion and add it to the bowl.

Stir it up.

A pinch of salt and a sprinkle of cayenne come next.  It's all about what you like, so don't be afraid to season and taste as you go.  For me, a little cayenne goes a long way so I on;y use a light dusting.

Stir it up.

Finally, squeeze in some lime juice.  Use the real thing, you'll thank me.  Or maybe not.  But I think you will.  I used one lime for two avocados, but the lime wasn't particularly juicy.  I would have used more, but I was impatient.

Stir it up.

Ready to eat!  I like it on tortilla chips with little pieces of thin sliced cheddar cheese on top.

You may have noticed something not included.  It's not a mistake.  There is not, nor will there ever be, cilantro in any recipe that comes from me.  To me, it tastes vile, like dish soap, and it flat ruins anything it touches for me.  I have stopped going to restaurants that used cilantro in everything, or changed a recipe to include the nasty stuff.

Feel free to use it if you are among the lucky souls to whom it doesn't taste like an accident in the soap aisle.  Just please don't serve it to me!

Keylime Bars

This weekend, K2 is having her annual pre-holiday shopping extravaganza home show, and today I'm making some keylime bars to take and share with shoppers tomorrow.  A friend on Facebook asked for the recipe and I figured I could share it here and help spread the keylimey love.

The players:

For the crust you will need:
2 Cups flour
1 Cup (2 sticks) butter
1/2 Cup powdered sugar
Pinch of salt (optional)
Dash of cinnamon (optional)

For the filling you will need:
4 eggs
5 Tablespoons keylime juice
4 Tablespoons flour
2 Cups sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt

Aaaaand...action!

Heat your oven to 325 F.  I don't know what that is in C.  You can find a conversion calculator on the Internetz if you need it.  You can find darned near anything on the Internetz whether you need it or not.

Mix the dry ingredients for the crust well.  

Melt the butter over low heat.  Wow, that's a lot of butter.  This has to be good!

Carefully pour the butter over the dry ingredients and not all over the counter while you're trying to photograph the action for your blog.  Ahem.

Mixa, mixa, mixa with a fork.  Don't get too crazy here or you'll wind up with a tough crusty part, and tough crusty parts are a bummer, man.

Once it's mixed and still nice and crumbly, dump it into a 9 x 13 pan.  Or a 13 x 9 pan.  Your choice.  Sometimes I'm a rebel and use an 8 x 11 pan so I have a thicker crust and deeper bars.  I'm crazy that way.

You do NOT need to grease the pan.  Did you notice how much butter went into this crust?  Pat it down gently until it feels pretty even.  Or you could make it all bumpy and wavy and have kind of uneven bars if you want.  Who am I to judge?

Bake at 325 F for 20 minutes.  

Remove from the oven but leave that thing cranked to 325.  Look at that crust.  Mmm...

While the crust cools a wee, let's move on to the filling.  You can wait for the crust to cool entirely if you like.  Heck, you can just make the filling while the crust bakes and pour it right on as soon as the crust has cooked.  I'm just telling you how I do it.  Anyway, the filling...

Beat the eggs fluffy.

Next, add the sugar, still beating.  Pretend the mixer is all shiny and new and not distressingly worn and weird looking.  Thanks.

Once the sugar is well beaten in, add the salt.  I used Celtic sea salt because I like it, but regular table salt is fine.

Next comes the flour, one Tablespoon at a time.

Finally, the lime juice, one Tablespoon at a time.  Let it whisk around for a bit to get nice and creamy and smooth and tantalizing.

Pour over the crust, triumphant when you didn't spill it on the stove top while you simultaneously dumped and photographed.  Hurrah!

Oooh, purty...

Bake at 325 F for 25 minutes.  It should be well set, so if it still jiggles, leave it in for a few more minutes.

Oh, bubbly wonder!

Let the whole thing cool completely.  Once cooled, you can dust it with powdered sugar or just grab a fork and dive in.  Like I said, I won't judge!

Let Them Eat Cake

February 15 was my birthday.  I spent it at home with the kids, having a quiet day.  I made some soup, because I wanted to, and I made my own birthday cake, also because I wanted to.

Some folks on Facebook liked the photos of the cake and asked for the recipe, so I asked if I could share it since it was given to me by someone else and one hates to publish a family thing without permission.  Permission was enthusiastically given for my sharing, so here it is:

The players:

For the cake:
One bundt pan, regular size, and possibly another one with the miniature forms or at least a brownie type pan.  I have the bundt pan that my ex’s mother (we weren’t exes at the time) gave me when she learned I don't have one, and it's maybe a little older than I am.  It's metal, and heavy, and I love it.  She also gave me the pan for mini-bundts, which makes up to six small cakes of a sunflower design.

One can of baker's Joy.  Accept no substitutes.  Seriously - I've tried other products and have been most disappointed with the results.  It's okay if you like something else better and it works for you, but I'm sticking with my Baker's Joy.

One teaspoon of each of the following - coconut extract, rum extract, butter extract, lemon extract, vanilla extract, and almond extract.

2 sticks of butter.  Yes, I said butter.  Do it.  You'll thank me.  Room temperature unless it’s winter and your house is cold because gah! heat is expensive!

1/2 cup shortening (I use those handy Crisco bricks.  One half brick is one half cup, easy peasy).

3 cups sugar.  I know.  I KNOW!

5 eggs, well beaten.  I do mean well.  As in fluffy, aerated, ouch my wrist hurts from whisking these bad boys.

3 cups all purpose flour.

1/2 teaspoon baking powder.

1 cup milk.  I use whole because this clearly isn't health food.

For the glaze:

1 cup sugar
1/2 cup water
1 teaspoon of each of the flavorings

 Aaaaand action!

Pre-heat the oven to 325 f.

To save some time and effort, I like to measure out the flavorings in advance, into two ramekins.  Interesting fact, the mix of flavors is clear until I add the lemon, then it clouds up.  Weird.  I'm sure there's science involved.

This is much easier if you have a stand type mixer with a whisk attachment.  I love my KitchenAid.

Cream the butter and shorteningtogether until well mixed.  Add the sugar and beat until fluffy.  While all this is going on, whisk the eggs in another bowl.  You want them to lighten in hue, about lemon colored.

Add the eggs to the bowl and mix until well incorporated.  Once they're a mostly mixed in I turn it up to medium speed.

Combine the flour and baking powder.  I just mix mine in a sifter.

Add dry ingredients to the bowl, alternating with the milk, beating at low speed until well incorporated.

Add in the combined flavorings, again mixing at low speed until incorporated.  Now turn the mixer to medium/medium high and walk away for a few minutes.  Yes.  Do it.

This is where I spray the everloving heck out of the bundt pan.  I hose that baby down.  Every nook and cranny is well sprayed, the whole interior is suddenly frosty white, no kidding there's not a speck of the non-stick lining to be seen.  I ain't kidding around with this thing.  I give the same treatment to three of the mini-bundts.  If you're using a brownie pan for the extra batter (and there will be extra), hose it down, too.

Now go drink a glass of water or something.

If you walked away from the batter and let the beater do its job for a few minutes (I've let mine go for as much as 15 minutes before), you will have a pale, silken batter that smells delightful.  Spoon it into your bundt pan.  I usually fill my pan 1/2 to 2/3.  The rest of the batter goes into the mini-bundts or the brownie pan - always 1/2 to 2/3 full.  This stuff poofs.

Place both in the oven for 1 hour, 15 minutes or until done.  Mine take almost the whole time.  You can take out the mini/brownie pan at 45 minutes.  Always check for doneness with a wooden pick or skewer…claggy cake is a bummer.

About 30 minutes before the cakes come out, make the glaze by combining the water, sugar, and flavorings in a sauce pan and heating to a boil, stirring often until the sugar is completely melted.

If it's done before the cakes, just turn off the burner and let it sit and think about what it’s done.

The mini-bundts are usually done about 15 minutes before the big one, so I pull them out first.  You can leave them unglazed, or spoon some glaze on the bottoms, wait ten minutes, and carefully pull them from the pans and put 'em on a plate.  Spoon a little more glaze onto the top if desired.

If you used a brownie pan, just spoon a little glaze on the top and leave it alone.

When the large cake is ready, pull it out and spoon about half the remaining glaze onto the bottom.  Let it soak in, and let the cake cool for about ten minutes.

Plate the cake* and evenly distribute the remaining glaze from the pot around the top.  Let it cool completely, then devour it.  Or, you know, save some for company or whatever.

I will not make this cake unless I know other people will help eat it, because I WILL eat the whole danged thing.



*Seems like lots of folks have their own method for de-panning this kind of cake.  Mine is to place the plate over the pan, centered, and carefully flip it.  I say a little prayer and lift the pan, and if the gods are kind and the fairies feel like picking on someone else that day, it comes up without a fuss, leaving behind a beautiful cake of beautifulness.

Sriracha Crab Salad

A year or so ago, I was over at K2's house around lunch time and she offered me a bite to eat.  She's made a crab salad the day before, and as soon as I had a bite I knew that I should relieve her of it entirely...although her husband, E, allowed as how maybe I should put the fork down and step away from his intended lunch.

The salad had Sriracha in it, and that was my first experience of the hot sauce that has suddenly become ubiquitous.

I still have 9/10 of my original bottle - a  little goes a very long way!

Here's my own version of Sriracha Crab Salad, because you know I had to come home and play around with it a little...

The players (fair warning, this is a "some" recipe...nothing measured, just some of this, some of that):
Surimi, about half a pound
Crab legs - I prefer snow crab - about half a pound in shell
Onion - I like how purple onion adds color, plus I had some that wanted using
Cucumber, about half of one
Broccoli slaw.  I use pre-made because I am lazy.
Mayo
Sriracha

Aaaaaand...action!

I started with an empty bowl.  Like a blank canvas, it waits to become something more.  Let's not disappoint!

First I sliced the surimi on a sort of diagonal and dumped it unceremoniously in the bowl.

Next I cleaned the crab.  I like to clean my own, but the market has lots of pre-shelled choices.  One reason I like to shell my own?  I buy crab legs when they are on sale and freeze them for later use, and I am never certain whether I am going to steam them and eat them hot or use them in a salad or pasta.

So, cleaned and hopefully without any shell-y bits, in goes the crab.

Next, I chopped the onion fine.  I used two thin-to-medium-thick slices.  I like onion.

Now for the cucumber.  I slice it into quarters, slice off the seedy bit, and then cut it into the thinnest slices I have the patience for.  It works well if you confetti cut it, too, but I kind of like the texture and presentation of the thin strips.

Possibly the easiest of the ingredients to prepare is the broccoli slaw.  I had to open a bag.  I tossed in a large handful and then another smaller sprinkle.  If you don't like raw broccoli, I understand.  I don't, either.  Broccoli slaw, however, gives this a nice crunch and has none of the bitterness or pungency of raw broccoli florets, and so far I haven't gotten it stuck between my teeth (yes, that is important!).  It adds a little healthiness as well, and I need all the healthy I can get!

Finally, a generous dollop or three of mayonnaise and a swirl or two of Sriracha.  In the beginning, less is more.  Mix it all up really well and take a taste.  Adjust the mayo and Sriracha if you need to, a little at a time, until your mouth is happy. 

I plated it with Honeycrisp apple slices and Kalamata olives.

If you try this, please let me know if you made any changes and how you like it!