If You Really Loved Me...

I'm fairly certain we've all heard the words.  

They're often meant to be a goad or admonishment.

"If you really loved me you'd..."

What?

I'd what?  Do something that I don't like?  Compromise my integrity?  Change who I am?  Alter my foundation?  Make your happiness and well-being the most important things in my life to the exclusion of everything else including myself?

Bah.

If I really love you, I expect you to be yourself.  I expect us to be able to disagree, to be different, to want and need different things, and to be okay with that.

If I really love you I will trust you with my fear, my joy, my desire, my truth.  If you really love me, you will do the same with me.

If I really love you I will give you the gift of my compassionate, passionate honesty.  I will tell you if that dress isn't flattering or you have spinach in your teeth or your soup was a bit salty but still pretty darned good.  If you really love me you will tell me when my hair is a fright or I'm being rude or grumpy or that my socks don't match when they are supposed to (because sometimes they aren't supposed to and you understand that, too).

If I really love you I won't try to pretend or hide or wear a false smile - I will let you see me dirty, depressed, frazzled, and worn.  I expect the same.

Love isn't ownership.  Love isn't dictatorial.  Love isn't a bargain or petition.  Love isn't a debt.

If I really love you...if you really love me...then what we love is the whole, not parts we've picked and chosen with the idea that what we don't like should be changed for the sake of that love.

If you really loved me...you would love me just as I am and accept that I love you just as you are.