Cassa de Crazy does not have what you could call a household income. Because of that, we have to rely on the benevolence of family and the kindness of strangers for certain things. Things like health care.
In March I received a letter telling me that Sprout's Medicaid was terminated, effective at the end of March, and I should apply for the other low/no-cost coverage.
I called the alternative folks and was told that I could not apply for Sprout until the Medicaid had, in fact, run out, but they would take my information and send me the paperwork so I could be ahead of the game.
No paperwork ever arrived at Casa de Crazy - they sent it to T, because the Evil Genius is/was covered by the alternative, and they added Sprout to that account. More on that in a minute.
I called them again to ask for the paperwork, and was informed that it had been sent. Okay, then.
Fast forward a few weeks, to this morning. Sprout had an appointment for a check-up. Not having valid insurance means paying cash, of which I have none, so I once again called the alternative to find out what was going on.
Here's where it gets fun.
I have to have a letter from T that Sprout is once again in my custody because the alternative had her listed as in HIS custody, even though he is not her father. Hmm. I explained that he's not her father, and never was, hasn't lived with us in three years, and he never had custody of her to begin with. Doesn't matter...I must have a letter from him saying she is in my custody. WTF?? Then I was told I also have to have proof of income. How do I prove no income? I told the bureau-bot to whom I was speaking that we have no income. She curtly told me that I don't qualify for their coverage and should call Medicaid.
But Medicaid told me to call you, I said.
Well, I must have neglected to send them paperwork or something, she told me, because we don't qualify for the alternative and I have to apply for Medicaid, and meanwhile if I ever want to get Sprout on the alternative I will have to have a letter from T (who is not her parent and never had custody of her) that she is back in my household (although she was never gone) and that I am now (although I never wasn't) her primary parent, and he will STILL be considered the primary parent on the account despite the fact that I am and always have been the Evil Genius's custodial parent (for legal purposes, not because there's anything wrong with T) and he isn't Sprout's parent at all, and there's nothing I can do about that unless I want to terminate the account (and thus the Evil Genius's coverage) and reapply entirely. Oh, and they have recently announced that they are limiting or denying overage to new accounts because so many people need low/no-cost healthcare, they can't afford to cover us all.
I called Medicaid and got a long recording about paperwork that doesn't apply to me, and after two-and-one-half minutes of instructions could finally leave a message. They may or may not call me back today.
So I called the doctor's office and explained what was happening, and was told too bad, if there's no insurance we have to pay cash up front, period. They would be willing to cancel our appointment, though.
So now I'm waiting for a call from someone who will likely tell me I didn't send in the right paperwork or whatever (although I DID, in fact, sent in all that was required) and now have to donate a kidney and a rhubarb pie in order to re-process, and meanwhile Sprout escapes the immunizations and the needles that go along with them a little longer, so she's not too sorry about all this.
Y'all, I speak clearly. I don't stutter, mumble, or ramble. I am concise, and intelligent enough to understand what is required and to provide it. I am not confused by the reams or paperwork I have to deal with just to make sure my kids can go to the doctor if they need to. I don't have coverage, myself, and neither does Someone - we are adults and can just deal with whatever comes at us, thank you. Kids are different.
Why is it that I was not told that T was the primary parent? Why didn't the first agent I spoke to TELL ME that he would be listed as Sprout's primary parent as well, especially when I made it clear that she had a different father and a different last name? Why did I give MY address and phone number to these people only to have paperwork sent to T? Why do I have to have a letter from a man who is in NO WAY related to my daughter and has NEVER had custody of her so that I may procure coverage for her?
Baloney baffles brains...
If you need me, I'll be in the corner, sucking my thumb and whimpering. Bring me a Mai-Thai, would you?