Quote of the day...er...week...umm...hey, look, a quote!!

Tibi gratias agimus quod nihil fumas.

It says "...freedom of...", not "...freedom from...".

Nolite te bastardes carburundorum!

"It's amazing to me how many people think that voting to have the government give poor people money is compassion. Helping poor and suffering people is compassion. Voting for our government to use guns to give money to help poor and suffering people is immoral self-righteous bullying laziness. People need to be fed, medicated, educated, clothed, and sheltered, and if we're compassionate we'll help them, but you get no moral credit for forcing other people to do what you think is right. There is great joy in helping people, but no joy in doing it at gunpoint." - Penn Jillette

Monday, September 20, 2010

Some Days

Chew.

Chew.

Swallow.

Ugh.

Don't get me wrong, it's a perfectly nice apple, and there are worse ways to begin the day than with a lovely, juicy, Honeycrisp.

But today, I don't want to eat. I'm not sick...to my stomach, anyway. I just don't feel like going through the motions. My heart's not in it. My heart's somewhere down near the floor, rolling around between my feet when I walk anywhere, and completely disinterested in trifling things like sustenance.

But I don't have a choice.

Every morning, I have to inject myself with enough insulin to get me through the day. Then I have to eat. Not eating is not an option, even when I don't feel like it.

You wouldn't think someone as overweight as I am would have any trouble with the simple act of breakfasting (breaking fast?). Some days, though, I don't want food. It's all sawdust in my mouth. Swallowing takes more effort than I have in me.

But like it or not, I have to eat. Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner. At night, there are two more injections, and sometimes I have to eat before bed, too.

It wouldn't matter if it was just me. I could do without the medication and without eating for days on end if I didn't feel like 'em. The thing is, it's not just me. There's this poor baby, who made the daft decision to plant herself in my womb. What I want has no bearing right now.

So I'm eating this apple which deserves some reverence because it's a very nice apple and went to all the trouble to grow and ripen, to gather sunshine and rain and earth and wind and shape itself into something quite wonderful...and it may as well be a piece of wood.

You ever have days like that?

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes, but my husband had diabetes from the time he was a kid. One night at dinner he threw his fork in his plate and said he was sick of having to eat. And the funny thing is he loved food. Could out eat men twice his size. I have bouts of anerexia with my addison's. But listen you are more dependent than the rest of us. Keep up with your diet and shots and eating. The fight will be worth it to your family. My husband fought till he couldn't fight anymore.

Susan said...

So sorry, love. But the Bird and Someone and your Chickpea are grateful for your efforts. So am I.

Luci said...

Yep. I have days like that. Been having them since the middle of August. Every day is a struggle to get food down. Dear hubby worries, tries to get me to eat, but some times I just have to skip it. Other times, like when my sugar is low, I have to force it down.

Funny how it's this way. In my earlier years of depression I would eat and eat. Now, in the past 2 years or so, when I'm depressed I don't want to eat.

Oh, yeah, and it's also hard to eat when almost everything you eat hurts you and makes you sick.

Hang in there. Know you're not alone.

Love ya!

HermitJim said...

Hope you get the system working in your favor again soon!

I know it must be hard, but hang in there, kiddo!

Cygnus MacLlyr said...

Breaking Fast, yes.

Um, we should brake a l'il slower next time, mayhap?

Kyddryn said...

Hey, Anonymous...I know it's worth it, even when I'm not feeling it. It does wear on a body soemtimes, though. Thanks for the encouragement.

Mizz Susan, thanks...you always make me smile...

Aww, Luci...I'm sorry you're having difficulty eating. It sucks. I hope you can find a solution...'cause food should be one of life's pleasures, not a chore.

Mister Hermit, sir...thanks...

Silly Swan...have I mentioned you're a daft fellow?