Quote of the day...er...week...umm...hey, look, a quote!!

"...besides love, independence of thought is the greatest gift an adult can give a child." - Bryce Courtenay, The Power of One

For old quotes, look here.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Telling Silence

It's been a couple of weeks since Someone and I announced, in various ways and through various mediums, that we're expecting. Yes, we...I didn't make this bambino alone, it's a group project.

We tried to call folks who ought t be told in person but don't live in or near Redneck Central, like Mum and Mum2 (Someone's Mum) and fathers and siblings. We e-mailed where necessary, either because phones weren't answered or because we knew the news would be faster received, and then chose a way that would announce it, with a bit of whimsy, to the rest of the world that might be interested - that silly bear photo.

We've had varying responses to the news, from stunned silence to grins and cries of "congratulations". One or two folks have been a wee grim at the idea. That's OK...I have concerns of my own that are being allayed as each test comes back normal.

What I find interesting...and, if I'm being honest, disheartening...are the silences. A few key people have said...nothing. No phone call, no e-mail...not even a "What the Hell are you thinking???"

I can understand disapproval. We're not exactly the cultural norm here at Casa de Crazy. A few folks have had the chutz to grow a pair and speak their piece, and I appreciate that. I'd rather really know what someone's thinking than be wondering if they're just making nice. I prefer honesty, honestly. But to say nothing? Weeks after receiving a call or e-mail? What the Hell is that about?

Is it a sincere case of "Eh, who cares?"? Is it supposed to convey some message? One case in particular, I know they got the e-mails. They would have had a phone call, but it went straight to voicemail and I know leaving a message is an exercise in futility. I know they've been online - thank you, AOL buddy list. So what's up?

Yesterday did not start well. I woke full of doubt. I decided, at one point, that I wasn't getting out of bed - why bother? At least if I didn't get out of bed, I couldn't fuck anything up. I cried...a lot. Pregnant women are already riding hormone highs and lows...couple that with depression and a few other factors and you have...umm...not much fun, that's what.

I was convinced that this poor little chickpea (cheers, Mizz Rene) would be damaged in some way, because of me.

And then I began to think about the resounding lack of response, the silence from certain quarters. It shouldn't bother me, but yesterday was the kind of day where it's all personal...and I told Someone (who was doing his level best to help me feel better about things) "It sure would have been nice to have hear from ___, even a negative response. It would be nice to think I had some value to them."

He didn't have an answer for that...who would?...but he held me and that was enough.

The day improved, especially after a phone call from the doctor's office, telling me that certain key tests came back normal. Whew.

As for the people who've said nothing? Their silence does speak. It tells me they can't be bothered. Their loss.
So here's where I am a pest. The contest is still on, and you can vote every day, so wouldja? Puhleeeeze?? Vote for me here: ...:Read my Medium Raw challenge essay: It's not always about the ingredients, is it? Thanks!!


Luci said...

Kyddryn & Someone,

I know not hearing from those people you phoned and emailed may make you feel like you have no value (believe me, I know this feeling very well, more than I should), but this is YOUR pregnancy, which means you can choose who you get to celebrate it with. And if they don't want to celebrate with you, well... then their loss. You're doing the right thing, leaning on each other for support, so hang in there. I have complete confidence that everything will be fine and I have complete confidence that you can handle this.

Many, many, hugs and kisses,


Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

Dear Kyddryn the only thing that you and that darling little ceci ( chickpea )have to do is FEEL GOOD, right now.

Sometimes hearts are slow to turn, but turn they will.

And if their hearts don't turn, may it be their ankles. :)

Peace ~ Rene

Cinner said...

Kyddryn and Someone, I have been fans of both of you for a while as you both know. I am very excited for both of you. It saddens me that some have not responded especially when it is such a joyous time for you. As for being the norm...that is not all what it is cracked up to be...lol. I am not speaking of me. I have learnt this over the years....Expect nothing, and appreciate everything. I have heard
you speak of your son, and how he gets along with someone, love and happiness is all that matters. and no matter how cruel people can be, they can not take that away from you. ////and like Rene says if their hearts don't turn, may it be their ankles, and may the door hit them on the way out. I have found sometimes too that people are envious of others happiness. Sorry I am babbling on and on. strength, love and its okay to feel what you are feeling. Enjoy your blessing and others can kiss off. hugs c

HermitJim said...

My dear friends...I'm one of the slackers that did not respond when I found out that you were expecting. The fault is mine, and the reason was simple! I didn't know how to respond!

Of course, you know I wish the best for you both! I have no doubt that the young one will be loved, cared for, and probably spoiled more than just a little!

The way I see it, as long as the two of you are happy (and the evil genius, of course!) and all is well health-wise, then the opinions of some old fat guy in the deep south shouldn't matter!

It should go without saying that if you need anything, or if I can help in any way...just let me know!

I'm wishing you nothing but peace and happiness always!

Rob Houston said...

Miss K.,

There isn't much I can say or do here to make the situation any better. All I can do is offer my support and lend an ear. I'm sure there are a hundred other people you can call on, but if none of them are available, you know how to get a hold of me. I'll listen :)

Tonight I'll raise a horn in your honor and ask that the Gods give peace and strength to you and Mr. Someone.

In Frith,

Kyddryn said...

Hey, Luci, thanks for the love!

Mizz Rene, have I mentioned lately that I adore you? No...huh...could have sworn I did...

Cinner, thank you...

Aww, Mister Hermit, sir, this wasn't directed at you...

Rob, thank you...you're a dear...

Susan said...

They can't be bothered and their loss, indeed. But that doesn't mean that you aren't of value to them. Who knows what their silence means - don't read it to necessarily be something negative.

I wanna know - what did Evil Genius say? How did you tell him? Such a lucky boy...

Susan said...

Is there a way to vote for you from my facebook page? I'm signed in to facebook but when I go to the link from your blog it tells me my facebook and username aren't registered. WTF??? I need to vote!!!

Cindy said...

Well, I found out that you were expecting. The fault is mine, and the reason was simple! I didn't know how to respond! thanx.