Apollonian

Serene; harmonious; disciplined; well-balanced.

Yup...almost exactly what I am not. But I'd like to get there - I hear it's nice...

It's Not Exactly In the Oxford Unabridged, Now, Is It?

Got this from a friend:

Ineptocracy(in-ep-toc�-ra-cy) - a system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing, and where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers.

Whatcha think?

Vocabulary

kleptocracy
PRONUNCIATION: (klep-TOK-ruh-see)
MEANING: noun: A government by the corrupt in which rulers use their official positions for personal gain

So...yeah...

Get it? Got it. Good!

See the post title up there? Do you know what movie originated it? And which actor played the title role? I do...but I'm not telling...yet. That's not what this post is about.

This post is about speaking in code. I realize that you're smart folks and cotton on fairly quickly to blogspeak, that curious mix of euphemism, nickname, and outright made-up words that makes up much of the lingua franca of the Blue Nowhere. Something over at Foolery sparked the thought, though, that I use a lot of inside language on this blog and in Mundania...and I thought "Hey, I bet I can squeeze a blog post out of this!", so here we are.

An incomplete list of slangish words and phrases I've been known to utter/write:

The Blue Nowhere - the Internet, the electronic world, the fabulous global madness of a million-billion little sparks of genius fused with madness, mixed with pornography and wiki-wiki-wildness that I often call my surreal home.

Blogopolis - the blogging community, a city-state of writing, reading, creativity, ranting, and connection that pulses with vitality, has a spirit of its own, and is constantly changing. In my head, it's broken into neighborhoods with no firm boundaries that interconnect with other neighborhoods through readers and writers, creating the whole.

Mundania - the world that is not The Blue Nowhere, wherein I must pay electric bills, wash dishes, do laundry, battle dust critters of varying ferocity, and interact with beings of flesh and blood.

The Evil Genius/Bird/Little Dude/the boy/the kid - my son, whose mundane name I will not use here, because apparently posting pictures of him in various states of dress and telling you every last detail of his life is OK in my book, but making his name public isn't.

T - my ex-husband, father of the Evil Genius

Fugeling - pronounced "fyoogeling" with a hard g, this is a code word we use in my family for "Hey, little dude, pull up your pants!". It's coined after a friend of our who has neither hips not bum to help hold up his britches, so they're constantly slipping down to half mast. He's a nice guy, great sense of humor, clever with his hands, and he's smart enough to wear a very long shirt tucked in so we don't see anything traumatizing when he bends over...and I like saying "Bird, you're Fugeling" instead of "Dude, plumber butt."

Wrestle the Yeti/See Mrs. Murphy/Visit the Green Room - euphemisms for visit the loo. "Wrestle the yeti" came from my theory that women go to the bathroom in groups to protect each other from the Yeti. "See Mrs. Murphy"...honestly, I have no idea. "Green Room" isn't a TV reference...it's because the port-a-lets at the track were usually green.

Fang Bug Barked - barking fang bugs are much like barking spiders, only deadlier.

Mum/Mommylady/Momlady - my mother.

Someone - a random weirdo to whom I have become quite attached.

Casa de Crazy - my home in Mundania, at least until I win the lottery, pay off Mum's land, build a house there, and move. Then...that new place will be Casa de Crazy, because the madness will move with me.

Redneck Central - the area of the world in which I live...somewhere deep in the state of Confusion...er...Georgia.

If I missed something you've seen here or heard me use, or if you'd like to share some of your own lingual oddities, leave a comment to that effect...or feel free to tell me I'm nuttier than a Claxton Fruitcake (that's pretty dang nutty!!). It's all good.

Word(s)

Mizz Holly had a nifty challenge on her blog and since I'm tired and out of sorts and love playing with words slightly more than I love playing with fire, I asked if I could have a go. She sent me these five words:

Loss
Presence
Evaporate
Highfalutin
Ritual

I am to define them in my own way, in a fashion that shows a little more of who I am to you. I am also to invite you to play along - if you'd like five words of your own, let me know in the comments please, and I'll hand pick five words at the peak of their ripeness and send them along to you post-haste.

Loss - oh, I know this one bone-deep. I've lost books, lost keys, lost money, lost games...but those losses weren't that telling. No...it's the innocence, faith, and trust that I've lost along my way that hurt the deepest and are the hardest to replace. What is loss, really? And is it irrevocable? Of all the things I've lost, I miss my sanity the most...who said that? Can you lose what you never had to begin with? Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by a sense of having lost something indefinable but missing nonetheless. Despite my other losses...I have never lost hope. Misplaced it sometimes, but never lost. Loss - what one once had but now does not due to mishap, misadventure, miscalculation...partners beautifully with "found".

Presence - sometimes I feel a presence in my soul...and I call her Goddess. Sometimes I meet or read someone and they have such a sense of presence, of being, that I am in awe. I tried to tell my now-ex-husband that he needed to be present, be here, in our marriage...but he didn't listen, didn't hear until it was too late and I was gone. Some people are not present in their own lives, and so they know loss. See above for that one. The only moment in which one may be present is this moment.

Evaporate - what usually happens to my self-confidence when I'm meeting new people.

Highfalutin - is that really a word?? I thought it was a Southernism! I've never had occasion to use it, preferring to say "cha-cha" or "pinkie up, darling". To me, it's a word denoting a negative sense of society, a putting on of airs...and makes me think of my grandmother and her ideas about society. I don't know anyone highfalutin any more...thank goodness.

Ritual - now here's a word rich with meaning, with depth, with more layers than a mille-stratta! There are homey little rituals like doing dishes or laundry...and there are the rituals that help calm us, like breathing deeply or watching a river flow past...and the rituals that help us focus on our inner selves and our gods, like lighting candles and incense or balefires and drumming. I love Ritual, love performing the motions, the spiritual dance...whether it's one I've made up on the spot or one that's based on centuries-old practices. Alone or in groups, it brings a sense of connection to the Presence, to everything and everyone around me...and that's all to the good, I think...especially when one has a tendency to be/feel isolated.

So there are the five Mizz Holly sent me...now, are you game??

Sympathy versus Empathy

Sympathy = I see your pain and I am sorry you suffer.

Empathy = I see your pain and I suffer with you.

Got it? Good.

Oh, why did I feel the need to post this? I've been blog-hopping again, and I got caught up in this blog. I read the whole thing and cried several times. I really, really wanted a happy December for her.

Because I have a child, can I be said to feel empathy for her? Or is it just sympathy?

I want another child. I am greedy. Really, I want three kids, all told. I have one, and one is all I shall have. There's no way my body could do it again. Last time, with Bird, my appendix exploded a third of the way through. I don't want to think what would go, a second time. Also, we can't afford another child. How sad is that? So many people just have them and worry about the money later, but not me. I refuse to lessen the quality of life for the child already here just because I feel twitchy and...empty. Also, also, I haven't been entirely sure I wanted to remain married for the last couple of years - not the best of times to add a baby to the mix, eh? Logic is hard cheese when faced with wanting another little one. So I read that blog, and I started weeping and trying not to get tears in the keyboard because then I would not only be sad but bereft of Bob the Wonder Computer.

I wasn't crying for me. I was crying for a woman who has been dealt a crappy hand and is struggling to play it. I was crying because I know a woman who has terminated pregnancies because condoms were inconvenient but abortions weren't. Six of them. And there are women in the world who are beggaring themselves for the chance at one baby. One.

So, sympathy or empathy? I think empathy...if only because I hurt to the very heart of me, and I just don't think sympathy goes that deep.

So, after I read and read and read and cried and cried and cried, I wrote this:

From the Outside Looking In
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You know mama, you give us this expectation
That we are supposed to be fecund,
We should be able to produce children as readily
As the blood that comes with each passing moon

How unfair, then
To deny that fertility
To break the body from creation
So that it will not produce

How unkind to surround the grieving womb
With babies, fresh, sweet, soft
To remind it of failures as it struggles
To hold on to a handful of cells
Just one more day

How much worse to give out the hope
That this time will be different
That the struggle, the pain, the misery
The rage
Will finally pass into beauty
Into joy
Only to dash it all
With a scarlet streak
A twinge
Splashing drops
Pitying stares
Awkward silences
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am not sure it's finished, but for the moment...I am.