Mondaying

Well it started nicely enough with a long snuggle with Sprout on the big comfy bed and a slow wake up.

She asked for a bologna sandwich for breakfast and I obliged.  Heated some sausage biscuits for me.  Poured some OJ.  Settled at the table for a bite and some dinking around on the computer.

But then...

Then the cup of OJ levitated itself, turned over, and send an orange wave of utter, citrusy destruction flowing across the table and onto my computer, phone, and plate of biscuits.  Before I could even reach for a towel, juice was dripping onto the floor. And my feet.

One dishcloth and half a roll of paper towels later, it seemed like I had it all cleaned up, but my computer had a black screen and wouldn't talk to me.  Oh.  No.

As I ate an OJ infused biscuit, I pondered what to do.  Screaming and crying seemed like good options, but maybe I shouldn't just leap right into panic mode.

By the way, slightly orange juiced sausage biscuits are not horrible.

I decided to turn off Albino Bob and restart him.

So far, so good.  My keys may be a little sticky because they're the recessed kind and I can't pop them off for cleaning, but I'll live...and so, I believe, will Bob.  Now to finish breakfast and see what else Monday wants to throw at me.  Oy.

I know I've written quite a bit about depression of late.  I have an idea that it gts boring, reading about it, but in part I post because if there's someone out there who is looking for words, maybe mine will help...and if there's someone out there who is trying to help, maybe these posts will help...and sometimes I need to get things out of my head somehow, and writing about it helps.

So here's another thing about depression.

I had a pretty good day, today.  The Evil Genius is hanging with his father, and Someone offered to hang out with our daughter while I took some time for me.

I spent a few hours with K2, catching up and whatnot.

I found (thanks to K2) a new crochet pattern to try.

I came home and got some dishes done, listened to some music, had a bit of peaceful family time.

And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, for no discernible reason, I felt like I could cry.

In the middle of cooking dinner, I felt overwhelmed by sadness.

As the linguine bubbled in its pot, I felt a sense of futility.

As I stirred the mussels in garlic tomato sauce with white wine, I felt miserable.

As I seasoned and tasted the spinach, I felt empty and useless.

This is depression, the thief of joy, dimmer of color, taker of contentment.

It comes out of nowhere, flies back into nowhere, doesn't give a body a target to aim at, smashes and grabs and disappears, leaving a lingering greyness to life in its wake.

Nothing and no one can cure this.  It is to be endured, survived as best as can be, borne until it fades away for a brief respite.  It doesn't make sense, it can't be reasoned with, there is no logic to it.

I hate it.  I don't hate much or many, but depression?  Yeah...

Thoughtfetti

"Mama, what do oak trees do?"
"They grow tall and wide and produce acorns."
"No, but what do they REALLY do?"
"Ask one and see what it says."
She did.  It didn't answer.  I told her to listen differently.  She did.  Now she won't tell me what it said.
~~~~~
Code enforcement came by the house yesterday.  Some kind anonymous soul called them to complain about trash and debris in our yard.  They knocked on the door, told me who they were and why they were there, and let me know that my yard is fine.  Nothing wrong.  They didn't understand why they were called.

There is no trash or debris in our yard.  There has not been.  There will not be.  Since Someone got out of prison he has been coming over in his spare time and cleaning up the yard, in fact.

I explained that I knew who called, even though they can't tell me...same person who has done all of the calling since she moved in next door, and it was likely because they don't like us and are trying to harass us into moving.  The officers were not happy.  They know they've been out here before for nothing and don't like that kind of BS.  Code enforcement and law enforcement are not meant to be used to bother neighbors or try to make their lives hell.

I was polite, friendly, and helpful.  I listened and answered with a light tone of voice and with respect.  They apologized profusely for bothering me, and I answered that they have a job to do and I don't grudge them doing it one little bit.  They appreciated that.

Every time they are called out here by Anonymous for nothing, they become a little less inclined to think kindly of her.  They will always respond and come to the house, but they will also likely keep note of how often they are sent on a wild goose chase.

I suspect Anonymous will be finding herself on the receiving end of a nuisance citation from local law enforcement if she keeps this up.  I suspect I may feel the need to stop making nice if she keeps this up.  I suspect I may look into whether I can bring a suit against her for harassment if she doesn't cut it out.  I suspect she will learn the hard way that I will not be budged once I dig in my heels, and that kindness and compassion will move mountains but pissy assholery will garner less than nothing from me.

Some folks just have to learn the hard way.
~~~~~
"Mama, where should I plant my oak tree?"
She found some acorns and wants to grow trees.  She has an idea that it will be instant...but trees are not like microwave popcorn.  Trees take time and patience and there is no guarantee.  I suggested planting them in the woods.  If they don't turn into trees, then perhaps they can at least turn into a squirrel's breakfast.
~~~~~
Someone has been working in the yard and garden.  11 days back out in the world and he's already cleaned up 2 years of neglect in about 1/3 of the space I've ignored.  I'm so NOT a yard work kind of person!
~~~~~
I believe in second chances.
~~~~~
"I want to be a veterinarian."
"Okay."
"When can I be one?"
"Well, you'll need some specialized schooling and whatnot, so maybe when you're a grown-up, but we can find ways to help animals long before that."
"I'm going to feed the kitties!"

It's a start.
~~~~~
I'm in love with the way the sunlight slips gently into Casa de Crazy through the windows and gives a pale golden glow to everything it touches.  I am not often a person of favorites, but I do hold Autumn highest in my seasonal esteem.
~~~~~
How are you doing?

Bitch, Moan, Complain, Woof

Sigh. I'm trying to be my better self, but I'm annoyed and my compassion is slipping. The neighbors have a rather bark-y dog, looks and sounds like maybe a hound mix. It barks and barks and BARKS incessantly when we're out in our yard. It stands at the fence (which they put almost to the property line so it's quite close to Casa de Crazy) and hollers and growls at us constantly. The neighbors knows the dog does this and will occasionally make a half-hearted attempt at hushing the critter, mostly consisting of yelling the dog's name several times and then ignoring it as it continues to chastise us for existing. It seems supremely disinterested in making friends or being congenial. While I'm adept at ignoring noise for the most part, it is awfully difficult to ignore or be tolerant at 6:30 in the morning, or when we're outside dealing with the trailer, playing in the yard, even trying to have a simple conversation while enjoying the lovely weather out there. Bark, bark, barkbarkbarkbarkBAAARRRRRK!!!! We can't even walk to the mailbox or the shprt distance to the van without an explosion of woofs and general sounding of the hound alert announcing "DEFCON 5, THE HOTTENTOTS ARE COMING, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD WOOOOOOOOOF!!!!!" They haven't shown any interest in or effort towards teaching any of their dogs manners, and as they are usually indoors when the dog is outdoors, they just ignore the muffled noise inside their house seemingly without regard to how it disrupts anyone else's day. The dog is being a dog, telling us to keep away from its territory, warning its humans that strangers are near, and telling the world at large that it's ready to protect its pack. I get it. What I don't get is how any human who is kept by a dog could let it go apeshit that way and not teach it when to warn and when to be silent, how any human can keep from responding when their canine family member is going off like that. Dogs bark to communicate. Letting them bark constantly like that tells them that they don't matter or that they need to be louder and more urgent to get your attention. Also? It's rude as fuck. So now that you've read this far, question: What do I do about it? The neighbor is the unpleasant one,. When she saw me unhitching the trailer yesterday she rather hopefully asked if we were moving. So dejected when I replied no, we aren't moving, I was just keeping the trailer here now so it's handy for me. Trying to talk to her is like trying to hug a thorn bush...awfully prickly, not really productive, and not likely to be worth the effort. So do I call animal control? Code enforcement? The cops? Do I find some canine Valium and feed it doctored hot dogs? What's a gal to do?