I Woke Up Like This

Every day I face the world just as I am - no cosmetics, no form-shaping clothing, no hair products, not even nail polish.  Just me being me.

I am the same me every day.  I may have a few more lines today than I did last week, a grey hair or two that weren't there last month, but I am just honestly the me I am - always becoming, ever changing yet ever the same.

Some days I feel strong and beautiful.  More days I feel every pound, every fat cell, every line and wrinkle, every flaw, everything that is "wrong" seemingly spot lit, framed in neon blinking the message "Fat!  Old!  Ugly!  Yuck!"  I don't look in the mirror because I don't want to see - if I am feeling good, I don't want to know it's delusional.  The mirror tells the hard truth, hides nothing, and my eyes are all to eager to send the image to my brain so it can begin hammering me with criticism in my grandmother's voice.

The days I feel most fabulous, rare days and short, are the days I don't see myself, am not aware of the physicality of life, but am more wrapped up in creativity, being, doing.  Coming off of those days is rather like falling from a great height and landing without a net, thud.

I saw a little story about a photographer who has a project titled I Woke Up Like This.

Beautiful photographs of beautiful women just when they've awakened, simply themselves, living in their beautiful skins.  I want to tell them that I love them.  That we are all sisters.  That they are marvelous, glorious, inspiring.  I want for all of us to feel free in our own bodies, to feel beautiful and sexy and strong and powerful.

Meanwhile, I go about my day just as I woke up, honestly myself.  Who else would I be?