Thoughtfetti

Ow, that place on my bum that isn't my bum but more like my hip but not my hip kinda between the hp and maybe it is my bum after all, but that place that popped a couple of months ago still hurt and it's a...ahem...bummer.
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The outside of my left foot constantly aches which I wouldn't mind if that meant something like "Hey, you're about to win the lottery!" but I'm afraid it really means "Hey, you're too fat!"
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The Y quit having homeschool mornings in child care and the Evil Genius is too young to use the equipment, so I can't go in the mornings, and afternoons are out because Sprout naps (and so do I when I can), besides which we can't take her if she's been sick (24 hours fever free), which she has been often of late due to fractious ears and generous lashings of snot.  I miss the Y.  Maybe I'll get to go back there some day.
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This morning I edited more than 300 photographs in preparation for some serious Etsy madness.  If you want to support artists and give fabulous, unique gifts, go check out Unleash the Goddess on Etsy.  Tell her Kyddryn sent ya.  You won't get a discount, but she'll smile at me, which is worth a fair bit in my book.
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The baby knows when she's poopy and anounces it with a plaintive "I pooooo-oooop" and furrowed brow.  Oh, dear sweet Goddess of all things potty related, please let this be a sign that the girl will potty train more swiftly and easily than her brother did!
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Sprout hs also learned a toddler's two most useful phrases:  "Mine!" and "I want that!".  Joy.
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What would you rather have with baked ham, mac and cheese or scalloped potatoes?

Did You Check In the Garage?*

I have been looking for something recently.  I checked in the kitchen because I often leave things there on the counter or on the table blocking the microwave door until Someone gets exasperated and asks why it's there, to which I sheepishly reply "Umm...I don't know?" before removing it to another surface where it will gather dust until I can't live without it and the hunt begins.

I have looked on the bathroom counter, collector of many things odd and un-bathroom-ish (like two Rolo candies, a pair of pliers, and a huge stack of National Geographic magazines)(although that latter of that lot may, in hindsight, actually be a bathroom ish thing after all), covered in dust and tiny splinters of beard and mustache hairs that defied gravity and flung themselves on tangential lines away from the sink only to languish on the counter until one of us can't stand it any more and finally gives the lot a wipe-down.

I searched the living room, but mostly what's to be found there is toy related, or dropped food that the cats spurned, or...what's that sticky stuff?  Never mind...what'd I do with the mop?  Sometimes there's laundry that WAS clean until Sprout decided it needed dragging up and down the hall and around the living room.  I usually leave the dust critters alone - they get a little testy when the weather turns and they want to hibernate until the open windows of spring coax them into the open once more.

I checked the dining room, but there's not really a lot going on in there right now - it's sort of a catch-all for everything we aren't doing today but may do later if we have the time, and didn't there used to be a table in there?

Bedroom?  Hmm...no.  No, there's nothing in there but dust, books, clothing, more dust, something I can't identify that has stained the floor and may or may not have been a green tomato one of the cats though made a dandy toy and dragged in from the kitchen only to let it rot until my foot found it and smooshed it in the middle of the night last spring and now it's turning into a new life form and who am I to disturb it?

This thing I'm looking for, I know I still have it...somewhere...

It's not in my pockets - those hold mostly lint, used tissues (we're having a sinus rich time at Casa de Crazy right now, with Sprout and I battling for the record use of tissues in a day)(I'm winning, but mostly because she doesn't care about tissue and simply wipes her nose on whatever's handy, usually my shirt)(yay), and occasionally a tiny hair elastic for when the girl child deigns to permit me the familiarity of pulling her hair up from her face (and out of the snot zone).

It's not in the sewing room.  I know this only because I haven't been down there in ages, not since the spring, really, except to deposit into (less often) or snag from (with greater frequency) the preps closet, and while it looks a fright down there it's not so bad that I don't mostly know what is where, and nothing new has been lurking in the corners or rolling around the piles of fabric and craft supplies, that I know of.

I used to carry it with me all the time, sharing it freely with anyone who wanted or needed any.  I had an endless supply and never minded giving it away, as there was always more to replace it.  Lately, though, I can't seem to find it anywhere.

I've tried to see if anyone else has any to spare, but it seems I'm not the only one coming up short these days.  There is a universal lack, and it concerns me.  The world, it seems, has a diminishing supply of something it needs, something vital for a thriving populace.

I am concerned that maybe...maybe...it is drying up, soon to be lost to us, or at best left in a few tiny dollops here and there, something to be stared and wondered at like the Australian Tiger, or mythical and scoffed at like the Sasquatch (Squatchy...had to say it...Squatchy...) or the purview of crackpots and fringe elements, like alien abductions.  Perhaps a little of it will wind up in museums, studied, a puzzlement to future generations who don't know what life is like with a rich supply of it.

I wonder, do you have any?  Because if you do, nurture it and feel free to plant its seeds here...compassion is such a beautiful thing...I sure do miss mine...



*When in doubt, check the garage - everything winds up in there eventually, except the actual vehicles it was meant to house...

Blech Friday

The day after Thanksgiving has always been a day to recover from dressing overdose, tidy up the dishes, and possibly haul holiday decorations out of storage, for me.  It's the day I will pull out the Trans Siberian Orchestra and The Bing Crosby CDs.  It may even be the day I bustle forth into the world and procure cookie ingredients, because this is also the day that heralds the opening of cookie season.

What it is NOT is a day to go thrust my way through crowds of angry, bitter, desperate, resentful shoppers drunk from advertising-circular ink and high on plastic fumes.  Sometimes being broker than a politician's promise has its advantages.  I will not be camping out or feeling my feet go numb just to save a few bucks on overblown products that the media tells me I must have or give in order for all to be right in the world.

I don't understand this craze.  Don't get me wrong, I like saving a buck where I can, but is it really a savings to buy something on sale that I don't want or need because it's such a great price?  Do you really want a gift from me that is tainted with all of the emotions that go with the experience of buying it on this day?

Here's a thought (and it's not even an original one, it's recycled):  how about saving yourself the trouble and supporting your local community?  Seek out your local gallery or artists.  Give Rumba lessons, karate lessons, gymnastics, boxing, cooking lessons.  Lawn care, house cleaning, or massage make nice gifts and help other people in your community support themselves.  I bet your local diners, cages, coffee shops, and bakeries would be delight to sell you gift cards!

If you're in the same boat as I am, cash is in short supply.  Seems like there's more demand than supply.  Why not make a gift?  Get the kids involved, especially if there's gluing - kids need glue, it holds them together, just ask a pediatrician.  Make coupons for time off, a meal cooked, driving services, cleaning services, a date, babysitting, pet sitting, anything the recipient might like that you can (and more importantly WILL) do for them when they need it most.  Buy used - Craig's List, yard sale, flea market, classifieds, even pawn shops.  People are trying to raise money right now, why not help out?

You don't have to add to the chaos and agita this year.  If you need the three-function espresso machine with milk whiffler and sonic cup deodorizer, then by all means dive into the crowds and procure one...but please, please don't get caught up in the feeding frenzy and trample some poor schmo who just needed a pair of shoelaces...

Hey, if you aren't joining in Blech Friday, what ARE you doing today?

Thankful

I have a few traditions on this day. Not many - the menu, recording the Macy's parade so I can watch it and fast-forward through all the crappy pop music, commercials, and talking heads to see the twenty minutes of balloons, floats and high school bands I'm interested in hidden among all that junk  (although I will have to forgo that pleasure, this year, alas), and my list of some things for which I am thankful, in no particular order and in no way complete:

The house in which I live
The Evil Genius

Mum
Someone
Sprout
Gypsy, K, Kit, Sam-I-Am, PJ, Mizz Beth, and all of my friends who put up with me when I am most myself and therefor least likable. They are the net beneath me when I fly and fall.
Bread
The scent of leaf loam and woodsmoke in the crisp autumn air
Books, music, and art
Clean, plentiful water
Clean air
Clean clothes
Freedom
Nature and the way she finds to show me something new of herself every day
Words
Song
Dance
Adversity, that joy is all the sweeter (Okay, okay, the joy is sweet enough, so basta with the adversity for a minute, please)
Every creature and plant that I consume to sustain myself, because without the life I take, there would be no life to live
Love - that it exists at all is a wonder, and I feel blessed to know it in many forms
Chocolate, gift from the Gods (yes, even the perversion called "candy bar") (Mmm...candy bar...)
Strong hands
Strong spirit
Strong will
Laughter
Cussed determination not to curl up and die just because life can sometimes be a succession of truly awful, bleak, and desolate days...but sometimes it isn't.
The Internet
You

I hope you have a blessed day, and that you the things you're thankful for outweighing the things for which you're not.

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all, from us at Casa de Crazy to you out in the Blue Nowhere and beyond.

On the Menu

Okay, enough wallowing.  I'm all covered in psychological ick and need to clean myself up a little.  Yech.  I spent Monday at K2's place, with a few hours at a new play place for the kids.  If you have a Catch Air where you live, go there with children.  Be prepared to get them out with a pry-bar, because that's the only way they're leaving.  There may or may not have been sushi for lunch (thank you, E and K2).  I shout nearly 300 photographs of K2's jewelry and art to post on Etsy.  It was a long, distracting, productive day.  Someone had the day to himself, and that went well, too - he salvaged some castaway items from a house cleanout and they'll be mighty useful to us.

Tuesday I was supposed to go to Quilt Guild with Mum, but something came up - an opportunity to somewhat help a friend while scoring furniture and other items to use or sell, as we choose.  It's a long story that I won't tell here, but we were helping clean out a house that had been abandoned by the residents and there was a ton of furniture left behind...antiques, modern, quite a few pieces that we can use.  Don't fret, we have their permission, as well as the house owner's, to take what we want...it's less for them to deal with, in the end.  So far I have a new sewing desk (it's terrific, sturdy, huge, marvelous, old, and heavy, and I can't wait to get it in the sewing room), a 1940's era record cabinet (I still play my records.  Anachronistic, much?), a trio of matching tables for the living room (they actually manage to blend our varied furniture styles and make it look like we did that on purpose), a few toys for the kids, and a handful of small, decorative items like outdoor candle holders and the like.  If things go according to plan today, while I am cooking, Someone will be going back to retrieve another truck load, and then on Friday we will try to finish gleaning and cleaning so the owner can get on with turning the house over to whoever gets it next.

Speaking of cooking...I almost forgot to do my annual posting of the menu!  How would the world have gone on??

In no particular order, here's what I am throwing together for Turkey Day at Casa de Crazy:

Turkey (because obviously)

Dressing (I baked the herbs into the bread again this year, made the house smell glorious)

Gravy

Mashed Potatoes (really real ones, too, not from a box)(hey, I LIKE box potatoes)

Green Bean Casserole (a first for me, but Someone asked for it and I'm game to try ruining cooking something new)

Mashed Turnips and Carrots (because the world will end if we don't have these)

Sauteed Mushrooms

Can-o-Cranberry (in their natural state, cranberries jelly and form a log...it's a fact, the Internet told me so)

Dutch Apple Crumb Pie

Keylime Pie

Cheesecake (store bought because I just don't have the time to make one from scratch...that'll have to wait for Someone's birthday)

What're you having?

Down But Not Out?

In the next few days we will once again experience a hitch in our gitalong here at Casa de Crazy; despite my best (well, maybe a little lackadaisical) efforts, I have not been able to keep up with the phone bills, so AT&T will be declining to continue our service until I make good with the dough...which means no Blue Nowhere for a bit unless I manage to pull a sizable chunk of dosh out of my bum, which is unlikely.  Even a fifty-acre ass has its limitations.

I do not enjoy this half-assed existence I'm living, despite how it may seem.  My self-esteem is non-existent.  My desire to continue breathing is nil.  I'm so damned tired all the time my head is swimming and aches, my vision is blurry, and my entire body feels (on a daily basis) as though it was used for batting practice.

Worst of all, there is no end in sight, and the idea that all I can do lately is drag people down into the muck with me is a weight I don't have the energy or desire to carry any more.

I wish I could just. Give. Up.

I am dragging my ass through the days wondering when I became this person I am ashamed to be, struggling to do something, anything, and feeling the failure wash me away.

I used to think I had something to offer, that my writing or music or photos or anything I did was worth a damn, but lately it just seems to be more pointless crap I have wasted time and resources on.

It's not nice to fell worthless all the time.

Oh, well...life rolls on...right over me...

Vote

So tomorrow is election day.

For the first time since I was old enough to vote, I feel a deep sense of apathy about it.

I feel like I'm being offered two huge piles of poop and a few small piles of poop and maybe one poor wilted daisy and told "Here, choose, aren't' they wonderful???"

Bah.

For the first time ever, I didn't know, really know, who I would vote for until a week before the election.  I even contemplated staying home.  I can't, though.  Since I registered, I have missed one election and that was due to the voter registrar screwing up and failing to transfer me to my new polling place after I moved (and did all the requisite paper-work/registering, too!).  Intentionally skip one?  I don't think I can.

Also for the first time, I am going to reveal who I'm voting for, and why.  Usually I keep that to myself - politics can be deeply personal.  We all have our reasons for voting as we do...

Fair warning - I welcome the free and open sharing of opinion here, but if you get ugly, snarky, mean, and nasty, I will delete your comments.  I support freedom of speech in general, and dissenting opinion as a matter of necessity for healthy debate and growth, but I do not believe in anyone's right to get ugly up in my space, and this here is my tiny, wee corner of the Blue Nowhere, and what I say goes.

I am not voting for the Ass.  Nor am I voting for the Pachyderm.  I am, in essence, voting for the poor, tired, unloved, often mocked or ignored entirely, Libertarian Fellow.

Why?

Because the two main candidates both suck beyond my ability to measure.  They are both liars, manipulators, prevaricators, thieves, black blotches on the collective soul of humanity, Satan's balls (one left, one right, both hanging there by the Dark One's asshole and thinking they're just grand).  They are both oath-breakers.  They both want to appear the hero while making the other man out to be the goat.  Boiled down to its essence, each one's "platform" says one thing to me - I'm going to lose my rights faster and faster, like a social-enslavement snowball plummeting down Mt. Everest and collecting hapless citizen-climbers in its wake, landing us at the bottom of the mountain a broken, crumpled mass wondering what the hell just happened.

I am voting for the man who cannot win, because I would rather "waste" my vote than give it to either of the putrid piles of fecal matter that I'm supposed to pretend don't stink.  On Wednesday, I won't make much, if any, effort, to find out who won...a pile of poop is a pile of poop no matter what you call it, and in the end it really doesn't matter who you voted for either...right, left, red, blue, we're all going to be in a pile of shit for the next four years.

Vote anyway, because if nothing else, I won't tell you to shut up if you didn't.