Not Even An "A" for Effort

Sunday was a slow e-mail day for me, but I did have this little charmer in my in-box (copied as I got it, no editing, honest!):

FROM: MRS. SUSAN GIGS.

UNICEF would be very interested in offering you a part-time paying job in which you will earn about $1,750 US monthly with Benefits. Before I go any further, I would like to brief you more about the Program. Our organization is a foundation which enhances social sensitivity to children (UNICEF) with various problems faced by the less privileged and joining hands together in the developing world. We Improve the competence of professionals working with children in diagnosis and Intervention in cases of children heart problem. Every year, nearly 10 million children die before their fifth birthday, and half of these deaths occur in ASIA, Our research pointed out.
As the Program director of this zonal , I am in charge of the life saving program and fund raising for the less privilege, though myself and my life saving associates travel a lot. Presently, we have just been granted a fund raising to head a Charity Support Project in the tropical regions of the World starting with Europe,regarding surgical issues related to heart diseases and provision of basic amenities in support to humanitarian services and this would be commencing very soon, however our funding were by our donors that sends to us the bunch of payments mostly in US Based mode of Payments.

UNICEF would be willing to employ you on contract basis to be our Payment Representative back in the states, this way our donors could issue and make these Payments out to you, you could then cash them easily,you will deduct 10% as your commission for the great service you have rendered in support to saving life's and then Send the rest back to various charity homes that would be provided to you.

You will also stand the chances of being a part of our future and the excellence of an Institute in which you will be highly appreciated.I would be glad if you accept our proposal and Unicef intend to commence on Starting as soon as you are ready.
If you are interested, I would want you to kindly fill your details below, so that Unicef can verify ASAP.

FULL NAME:
PHYSICAL ADDRESS:
CITY:
STATE:
ZIP CODE:
COUNTRY:
PHONE NUMBER (S):
GENDER:
OCCUPATION
AGE:
NATIONALITY:

Remember, the lives of these children "less privilege" depends on your good work and trust because, trust is all we need to make the world a better Place to live in.

MRS. SUSAN GIGS.
(DIRECTOR OFFICER FOR UNICEF)
~~~~~

OK...now, UNICEF is a huge organization run by the United Nations. They have plenty of people in every member nation to do their work for them. I would wager that they have people lined up out the door who would dearly love to work for such an organization...they don't need to blind-solicit on the Internet.

Also, I would like to think that UNICEF would employ people with a better grasp of grammar and syntax than this letter displays. It's like these scammers make the errors on purpose to weed out the folks smart enough to catch them - if you've intelligence enough to recognize the letter is BS, then you've intelligence enough to know you're being phished.

Also, also...I'm fairly certain the the UN and any organization attached to it would consider me the last person they'd want working for them, given my attitude about that pack of thieves, liars, and just plain jackasses fine group of folks and their good work.

It was bad enough when it was just that stupid "Help me smuggle funds out of whatever African nation I say I'm from" letter. Annoying when it was the "You've won a lottery from a random European nation despite the fact you've never been there, don't know anyone there, may not be able to find it on a map and never bought a ticket" letter. Irritating when it was "Hi, I'm a random American soldier you've never met or heard of and I found a bunch of cash in Baghdad and need help smuggling the loot out" letter. But now an international children's relief organization? There's a special place in the negative afterlife of your choice for you, Ms Gigs (or whoever you really are, you Internet-scamming, e-mail phishing, retirement-fund-thieving rat-bastard). I've got your "trust" right here...

In case you're interested:

The real UNICEF, including actual employment opportunities.