Dear Fellow Facebook User,
Hi, how ya doin'?? Enjoying that Farmville, are ya? Judging by the number of game updates scrolling up my screen, you're rolling in rutabagas right now. Congratulations on the birth of that green glowing cow - have you checked your water supply? Your new barn looks fabulous. No, I haven't built one. I know, I know, all I have to do is pester everyone I know on Facebook a few hundred times to send me weird parts so I can build my very own barn, but in case you haven't noticed, I'm lazy - three clicks per person is just too many.
About that Pot Farm game - it's just a game. Chill. Un-pucker your bits. I like watching my Hippie Farmer avatar run around harvesting stuff. Run, Hippie, run!! I am not attempting, via cartoon plants on a Facebook game, to make "connections" and build my own green, grassy cartel in Redneck Central. Relax, yo.
I see your Mafia Wars family is growing. Well done, you. Sorry I haven't been helping you knock over fruit stands, rip off drug dealers, or ice anyone. I haven't been playing in a while. This thing called "real life" keeps popping up in front of my screen. Tch, it's such a nuisance!
So hey, we need to talk a minute, Fellow Facebook User. I'm thinking about blocking you from posting on my wall. Now, don't cry - it's not you, honest! It's me - I just don't have the time to read all those game updates and quirky news stories, or watch all the videos of kitties and puppies and children doing Fun! Amazing! Things!! I know they're all fabulous, but they interfere with my ability to see what's going on with the handful of people on my friends list that I actually know, you know, in the real world.
What's the real world?
Umm...it's the place that starts to smell bad when you're on Facebook too long, cross-posting on Twitter when you have a minute. You know, where the pizza guy actually comes to your door and that big light in the sky keeps coming on, going off, coming on, going off at regular intervals. The place we're all trying to avoid because it is currently sucking. Yeah, the real world.
So, anyway...the thing is, I could probably handle the videos, the game updates, the links, and the weird "Post your shoe size as inches and a sad face but don't tell anyone why and hilarity will ensue" status games, but I just can't take any more of those chain-letter "post this if you love me/I'm sure no one likes me and won't re post/you're an asshole if you don't re post/you hate puppies and kittens and fluffy bunnies if you don't re post/you are Satan's sweaty armpit washrag if you don't re post/you're not a real Ahmuricun if you don't re post/you launch RPGs at soldiers if you don't re post/if you don't re post then you must want the baby Jesus to cry/if you don't vote left, right, or centrist, you clearly want the nation to fail and crumble into a communist, socialist, Zoroastrian* mess/re post if you think cancer sucks otherwise you must love it and want to have its babies/re post or you suck sweaty donkey balls/if you don't re post then an orphan in Somalia will be fed to a starving lion" status updates.
See, I don't do causes just because someone's trying to guilt me. I have no social conscience, in that sense. I do causes that I feel are actually worth my time/thought/effort/money, and I support them in person. I don't show my love by copy-and-pasting on Facebook. I show it by acting like I love people (you know, like not farting in bed and holding their head under the covers), and writing them, you know, personal messages rather than blindly pasting some anonymous, poorly spelled, poorly typed, nondescript status update that will quickly be lost among the newest cause-celebres. Causes-celebres? Umm...you know...fads.
So, dear Fellow Facebook User, I am giving serious thought to blocking wall access to anyone who bombards me with these pseudo-psychological, religious, guilt-inducing, manipulative, chain-letter statuses. I hope you understand...and if you don't repost this as your status then you don't grok where I'm coming from, and you suck**.
*No Zoroastrians were harmed in the typing of this post, and no aspersions were meant to be cast - Zoroastrians are lovely folks and don't deserve to be maligned in any way, I just think it's fun to say "Zoroastrian". Go on, try it. See? Fun!
**You do't really suck - that there was just a bit of ironic license.
Oh YAY!!! I hate that shit, soooo much....loved this post :)
ReplyDeleteSorry, I am guilty of playing Farmville, you know, you can block the game updates and not the person? I do it all the time. I no longer see the updates from my friends that play vampire wars, mafia wars, etc. even pot farm. No biggie.
ReplyDeleteAs for the re-post stuff? Those types of status updates don't bother me; there really isn't too much that does bother me on facebook, just like in the real world, how you see me on facebook is how I am in person. Yes, I am guilty of re-posting on occasion, not all the time, but I do, do it. I however correct the grammatical errors and poor spelling before I re-post.
So...do what you gotta do to make your facebook time more enjoyable.
You're funny. Since I do not play ANY of the games, nor have I ever, I have almost all of the GAMES hidden (that way I do still see other posts by my many friends who DO enjoy playing). Likewise, I've hidden most posts by most of the other apps - only one of my cousins keeps me on my toes and vigilant for new posts to block (always something like "How Kissable Are You Today").
ReplyDeleteI do find that I post often about my children, websites that inspire me, blog posts I've composed, and the occasional YouTube video. I've let myself get mildly offended by political posts, charity seekers, poor spelling/grammar, and the like, but then I impose an FB blackout on myself, usually without alerting anyone that I've been offended (albeit mildly). And usually for no more than a few hours because I'm apparently addicted. [weep. sob. poor me.]
Here's to more actual face-time (no copyright infringement on Apple products intended) and less screen-time. Unless you're an aspiring TV star, in which case I hope you get all the screen-time you can handle!
I've tried to hide all the game updates and 'I bet none of my friends will repost this blah, blah, blah...' things that come up among my Facebook contacts, and FINALLY have had some success doing so on my computer. Alas, I can't do it (or can't figure out how) on my iPod, so when I log on to FB on it, I spend 9 days scrolling through game updates/if you love your daughter/if you love someone who has this/whatever that I honestly have no idea what's going on in the lives of those in my contact list who don't play games!
ReplyDelete(I did just see there was a Words With Friends game on Facebook now, so I'm doing all I can to not turn into one of the above mentioned people, though... :) )
Can I post this as my Facebook status update?
ReplyDelete