Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Thoughtfetti

I have a friend with cancer.  He was just diagnosed.  I have hope that he will battle and win.  I have fear that he will battle and lose.  May hope triumph over fear.
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Sometimes things escalate so quickly that I get thoroughly lost and wonder how the hell that happened, what I did wrong.  I've tried to stop shouldering blame for it, but it still bewilders me.
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I keep getting headaches.  They radiate from the crown of my head down the muscles and into the basal skull area, and sometimes they make my shoulders ache.
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I love my children, but once in a great while I kinda wish I was on my own, no one depending on me, no one to clean up after.  I suspect many mothers experience this.  I don't feel guilty for it, and I would never tell my kids I feel that way, but I will occasionally daydream about how different life could be before getting back to folding laundry or doing dishes.
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I'm so tired all the time, I think I could sleep for a week and still have bags and dark circles under my eyes.  I wonder what people think, when they see me.  My mind tells me they don't think nice things.  My mind isn't kind
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The kittens are walking...well...wobbling, anyway, and lort, they are precious!  I can't help but smile at them - kitten therapy cures many ills.
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How're you doing?

2 comments:

  1. Was sorry to hear about B. Such a big guy one wouldn't think it could happen but cancer doesn't care. I worry about you and wish that which gives you the headaches would go away.

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  2. I hope the headaches go away soon, and that your friend does good in his battle with this dreaded illness!

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