PSA

A notice to the public regarding a serious medical condition:

Several cases of Nogoods Syndrome have been reported in the United States in the past week. While Nogoods can be contracted at any time, it seems particularly virulent during the Winter holiday season and in times of economic crisis.

Reports of Nogoods are increasing in frequency and are global.

Sufferers of Nogoods report the following symptoms: The Blahs, The Moody Blues (not to be confused with the musical group, which can actually cause the Rampant Feelgoods), feelings of worthlessness and futility, constant repetition of the phrase "What's the point?", the inability to see past immediate obstacles, hopelessness, and general malaise. Nogoods patients have also reported feeling various aches and pains, general world weariness, pessimism, and an increased desire to nap for days on end.

If exposed to Nogoods, please do no be alarmed. Sufferers are generally harmless and not often contagious, although some rare cases have been communicable when secondary infection occurred in those just recovering from Nogoods themselves. Frequent contact with positive influences and supportive community can stave off impending Nogoods but may exacerbate established cases.

There is no known cure for Nogoods. It has been known to linger for months, even years, before mysteriously clearing up. While some people seem to have immunity to Nogoods, anyone can contract it at any time. Hand washing does not seem to help matters.

Sufferers of Nogoods should at all costs avoid malls during the holidays, lest they find their Nogoods escalating into Raging WTFsis.

Recommended treatment: Treatments vary by patient, but some successful methods include baking, loud music, animated movies, arts and crafts projects, cups of tea in the afternoon, substantial lottery wins, hugs, time spent with friends, and reading a good book.

Do not, under any circumstances, tell someone with Nogoods to cheer up, buck up, pull themselves up by the bootstraps, or what you think they are doing wrong with their lives. While well-meaning, such attempts frequently result in Nogoods becoming Spiraling Doom, much more difficult to manage and recover from, also incurable.

We will continue to post updates on current and new outbreaks as they occur. Thank you for your cooperation.