An Interview With the REAL Aunt Becky

Language alert - there may or may not be some grown-up words used in the following. Read on at your tender, innocent ear's ears's ears' mind's risk.

Aunt Becky is having a contest, and this is part of it. Feel free to go enter and completely screw my chances of winning (not because you're mean or anything, but because my entry into and contest is just ensuring SOMEONE ELSE will win. Lottery winners owe me...big time)

1) Dave and I have a long-standing feud over cheese in a can. He thinks it’s food of The Gods while I think it’s probably Of The Devil. Your take? Oh, dear. I have to cop to guiltily enjoying E-Z Cheez type simulated food products...especially on Pringles. The shame. Place a little slice of Slim Jim on top and you have Redneck hordeuvres whorederves horseoveries appetizers. It has been a few years, though, since I've indulged.

2) Is there any way you can think of to make the elder Gosselins go away? I AM ALL EARS. Have we figured out how to create tears in the space-time continuum? No? How about wormholes? Still working on that? Perhaps a portable hole...? No? Dang - I'm fresh out of ideas.

3) Who is your ridiculous “I can’t admit this to anyone in polite company lest I be banned from life” crush? I don't know that I have one...I have a rabid fangirl crush on Mike Rowe, but that's hardly mortifying. I DID once have a crush on a cartoon character...does that count??

4) If you could fuck it all and pursue your dream (assuming, of course, you were going to be GOOD at it), what would that dream be? I can't really pin it down...there are several things I would do if I could make a life of them - write, sing, and/or photograph. All three would be brilliant.

5) They say “living well is the best revenge.” I think they are wrong. Do you? I think revenge is a waste of time. Getting on with life is a better solution for me, because it doesn't feed the drama.

6) What is the most humiliation you've experienced in public that you’d be willing to admit to The Internet? On a flight to France (when I was all of 13 or 14), the stewardess got so pissed at my continued requests for more peanuts (because 4 nuts to a foil pack is so filling, how could I want more?) on my brother's behalf (because he threatened to kill me if I didn't go up and get him more to eat - who the hell brings teenagers on a ninety-hour flight without feeding them frikin' breakfast first??) that she brought an entire plastic garbage sack full of peanut packets, dumped them on my lap, and loudly declared that THIS should satisfy the little American piggy and I should not ask her for anything else. I could have happily crawled out onto the wing and finished the flight there. My brother ate the nuts and grinned the whole time.

7) Are you honest with The Internet? Like, if I came over to your house tonight (heh)(I’m coming over, yo)(heh) would I be surprised at who I found? You might be surprised to note that I bear no resemblance to the flower I use for my picture...but other than that, Casa de Crazy and its denizens are just as depicted in the Blue Nowhere...sometimes more so. Come on over - I'll make pigs in a duvet!

8 ) If you could have one talent that you don’t currently possess, what would it be? Hmm...I was going to say convince people to pay me for my art (writing, music, photography), but that sounds sad. Also, I'd really like to be able to play the fiddle. Sooo...I'm going with fiddle.

9) There’s not always room for Jello. Is there? Not always...but it does have its place.

10) What’s your guiltiest of the guilty pleasures? Whew...I dunno...Krispy Kreme doughnuts? Lindt Lindor Truffles? Movie Theatre popcorn? Starbucks? Sushi with K? Longhorn with Mum? There are so many...and I'm an Aquarius...we suck at picking just one thing...