Good Grief

Yesterday, while out running errands, the Evil Genius announced that he'd like a little brother, please.

A little brother would mean he would have someone to play with at home, he reasoned.

I told him brothers and sisters could be a pain, always stealing your toys and arguing with you.

Well, the arguing he could do without, he said, but still he wouldn't mind having someone to play with at home when his friends couldn't come over.

I told him I didn't want to have another baby because I didn't want to take away from his quality of life.

He countered that he wouldn't mind having less toys and he would share them with a brother.

I responded that I couldn't have another baby, anyway - I'm too old and I don't have a man.

Why do I need a man, he asked.

Because it takes a man and a woman to make a baby - we've discussed this aspect of biology before and to simplify things I'm sticking to the more traditional man+woman=baby method of it until he's much older. Like ninety.

Anyway, he added, you're not married any more, and you have to be married to have a baby.

No you don't. Marriage doesn't cause babies, sex does.

Oh. I thought you said you had to be married to have a baby.

No...I said it was best to be married or in a stable relationship to have a baby, because raising one alone sucks and anyway, if you're going to make a life you should take responsibility for it, and that's easiest when committed to a life with the other parent.

Oh. I thought you had to be married.

Nope. This reminded me of a conversation I had with my shrink a long time ago - he asked me "But don't you want to get married some day, have children?" I gave him a deadpan face and replied "Dr. S I hate to be the one to break it to you, but it isn't the wedding ring that causes pregnancy..." He laughed. Dang, I miss him - he was awesome. Anyway.

So you could have a baby now if you wanted to?

Well...if I had a man willing to help make one, yes.

Oh. Why don't you want to?

I told you - I'm too old and anyway babies are expensive.

You're not THAT old, Mommy, and you could sell some stuff or get a job to pay for it.

Uh-huh. Still don't have the man.

But you said Someone loves you and you love him, so maybe he would...

Hey, kid, how about a happy meal?

Sure!

Whew.