Choosing Not to Choose is Still a Choice

It's true - choosing to wait, to be patient, to weather the storm and see where the chips fall without pushing, pulling, trying to make things turn out one's own way...it's still choosing.

Not proactive choice, but choice nonetheless. Sometimes all one can do is allow the currents to carry one along to quieter waters.

T had some potential work issues this weekend, brought on by another's foolishness but impacting his ability to do his job and casting doubt as to whether he'd have a job today. Yesterday was distressing, because of it. He is still uncertain, but not because his own actions have shown him to be unworthy of the company...he's worried that the third party is such a selfish shit that he'll take T's job down with him. Spoiled, rich, and utterly unconcerned with the fact that T has a family, is a solid employee, and never says "no" to more work even when his wife threatens to kill him twice daily, thrice on Sundays, the ass-hat who is making trouble cares only for getting his way - or he'll take his ball and everyone else's and go home. I can't go into it more than that...but I will say this - I am not a cursing witch. No, I'm not. But sometimes a body would be wise to fear the blessings I come up with - they stick, and they can be ugly...because I'm all about the Karma, and reminding people that their actions will return to them, all grown up and ready to rock. Also? I really didn't need to be irritated, angered, or made to feel that I can't take any chances right now.

Why?

I'm putting together a show for the gallery...printing, matting, framing, a little of this, a little of that. It's a huge chance, and it requires a bit of an investment on my part, an investment that will stretch us to the limits and could mean a steady diet of Ramen for a while if it fails. If all goes according to plan (or even slightly sideways to the plan)(because really, I don't often plan ahead, knowing the futility of it)(no kidding, I don't usually discuss plans because the so often go awry), the show will open in Feblueberry. I'm sharing the space with an artistic friend or two, which spares me the horror of filling an entire room with my prints and gives me the chance to love their art all over again.

It is unusual for me to put my work out there...unless it's out in the Blue Nowhere, where my fellow Blogopolians are usually quite sweet about it.

But enough is enough - I'm tired of feeling insecure, unsure, and worthless. So there.

Remind me of this bravado in a few days when I'm curled up in the corner wondering what the hell I've gotten myself into. Cheers.