Financial Fear Factor

Afraid? Why would I be afraid? Just because we went more than three-hundred dollars into the hole since the last paycheck (it was a domino thing, not an willful spending of what's not there, which makes it all the more frustrating), and we not only have bills to pay (some of which are of the "past due, we're going to shut you off you deadbeat, no you can't defer or pay them next paycheck we want our money now" variety), but there's a major, food-related holiday coming after the next paycheck but before another one.

So why would I feel dread at the prospect of going to the market? Perhaps because I am daft enough to host Thanksgiving here? Actually, I rather enjoy the day...I love to cook, and love to share a good meal with friends, family, and heck...even strangers off the street. No one goes hungry if I can help it...unless it's me, and that's OK because I bet I could live for a month off the fat in my forty-nine-and-a-half acre ass. Yeah, it used to be fifty-acre, but I managed to shed twenty pounds, and I figure that's worth a half acre, right??

No, it's not Thanksgiving that has me stressed - I can do the whole thing without breaking the bank because I love to cook and don't have to buy more expensive convenience foods - no it's the rest of the next two weeks that has me worried. And the coming gift-giving holiday that I've taken to calling "Christmahannukwanzuka" to save time, even though I'm pagan and celebrate Yule.

So we have nothing in savings, nothing but a huge hole in checking, and I have to figure out how to feed three adults, one child, three cats, the feral cats outdoors, and anyone else who needs feeding, for two weeks...for less than two-hundred dollars, and that still leaves bills unpaid.

Good thing I know how to make soup, huh??

Meanwhile, I've already decided that, except for a few people whose gifts I already have or am planning to make with my (extensive, thank you Goddess) yarn or fabric stashes, everyone's getting donations to varying charities for the gift-giving holiday of their choice. Sorry if that spoils it for anyone...but my concern over paying the power bill and resulting need to blog about it trumps your need to be surprised. You have over one moth to forget or practice faking surprised delight. Get to it.

I know we're all feeling the pinch...but good Goddess, I am so tired of it... It would be nice, for a change, to go to the grocery store and feel free to purchase fresh fruit when we need it, and not just once a month when we can squeeze it into the budget. I'd like to tell T "Go ahead and drink all the milk you want, I'll go get more..." instead of yelling at him for finishing it off.

And beneath it all is the feeling that it's my fault because I don't work outside the home, or for pay - I school my child and write, neither of which garners remuneration (<---I have been misspelling this word for years - d'oh!!). Sigh. The burden falls to T, who is trying like crazy to supplement his income without detracting from family time...

Sigh, again.

Tomorrow, something a little less self-pitying and a little more uplifting...I promise.