Thoughtfetti

T and I took Bird to see "Horton Hears a Who" yesterday - it was the little guy's first actual theater experience, and overall it went just fine. The movie's in its final run, so we were in the smallest of the theaters, and we had the whole thing to ourselves until the previews started - plenty of room for the Evil Genius to explore without bothering anyone. We sat in the back. We had the obligatory popcorn and drinks (water for Bird, his choice...good boy!) and some Twizzlers to share. The movie was just fine (Umm...five's not too young to be subjected to Jim Carrey's mania, is it?), and Bird spent half of it in my lap, entranced.

I missed some of the movie because Bird was in my lap, entranced, and I was watching Bird instead of the screen. Mmm...warm little boy cuddled up, completely oblivious to anything but the big flashing screen and animated mayhem...sigh. I spent a few minutes just enjoying holding my son and knowing these times don't last...which just makes them sweeter.

Cute movie...the animators had some very good drugs, I think...and a very nice way to spend a few hours.

~~~~~

An open letter to roommates, cohabitators, and families everywhere - if you are going to use the dishes, eat the food, and live in the space, either help clean it up or don't get in the way of whoever's doing the cleaning.

If I am going to be the only one doing dishes, I would appreciate it if a) you brought them to the kitchen so I can clean them BEFORE they grow moldy and gross, and b) you could put them in the sink only AFTER you have scraped all the nasty leftover food, wrappers, napkins and other detritus into the trash rather than leaving it all on the plate and then running water on everything so it gets extra disgusting for me. This holds true for fast-food cups and wrappers, too...I am having a hard time figuring out why you can't just put them in the trash to begin with!

Oh, and? On occasion, you could try bending your sorry ass over and picking up the stuff you knocked onto the floor rather than leaving it for me to clean up hours later - including the ice cubes that melt into cold little puddles for my feet to find. Yes, I understand that bending over may take a touch more time and effort on your part...perhaps you should try being less clumsy or careless, or making more than one trip to fetch what you want from the kitchen.

I would also appreciate it if you would spare more than a nanosecond of thought for what you are consuming - such as considering whether I can replace it right away, whether it's something I might need for cooking or feeding the small child living here, or whether you are leaving less than a sip, a bite, or a scoop for the next person. Really, finding the milk jug with two tablespoons (not kidding) of milk left in it makes cooking dinner a bit awkward when the ingredients call for milk!!

And again? Every now and then you might try looking INSIDE the dishwasher to see if the dishes are dirty, clean, or...it's empty! and act accordingly. I'm just saying, I might be more inclined to cook the dinners you enjoy so much and be a bit less bitchy if I'm not continually being pissed off left and right.

Don't get me started on the laundry, cat boxes, trash, and the downstairs bathroom that I NEVER use but am held responsible for cleaning (without benefit of flame-thrower or biohazard suit, either).

For "I", you can insert your mum, dad, spouse, child, second cousin's best friend's hair dresser, or whoever, as needed.

~~~~~

Dear Water Department,

When your meter reader came out and read the meter, did s/he not notice the copious amounts of water in the box? Upon not noticing the water that didn't belong there, did s/he also not note the rapid whirling of the meter? Upon not noticing that the meter was showing an astounding use of water for the last month, could they not have knocked on the door, left a note, or sent a telegram to the owners of the home with the obscenely large usage of this precious and recently scarce resource telling them that they may, possibly, have a tiny little leak?

I only ask because our water bill caused quite a ruckus around here, being almost one-hundred dollars for a month (when our usual bill is around ten-dollars unless it's a big laundry month). I was wondering why no one thought to let us know about this problem?

Also, when I called two weeks ago to inform you that we checked the meter to see if it was a misread and instead found standing water (leakage), is there some reason why, in this time of drought and watering restrictions, you acted as though you couldn't care less? When I asked to have someone come check the meter to see which side the leak was on so I would know whether to call a plumber, is there a reason you seemed bored? Was it me? Was I not dynamic enough for you? Should I have been weeping, wailing, gnashing my teeth?

When you sent someone out here, is there a reason s/he didn't see fit to speak to me or leave a note? Why did I have to call a second time to find out that your were stumped? Why, again, did you seem so unconcerned about this waste of water?

I gathered from our next chat (a week later) that my sense of urgency was not matched in your hallowed offices, especially when you informed me that your first agent was puzzled by the meter and someone else would come along "eventually..." I also gather that my idea of "someone letting me know what was happening as soon as they look at it so that I could call a plumber before my water bill is larger than the value of the house I'm living in" and yours may be slightly different, as you agreed that the next person would speak with me - so either they haven't come out yet or they didn't speak to me.

I can only imagine that your eye is on the bottom line - my enormous and every growing water bill. Since I won't have any recourse but to pay it whether you work to fix the meter or not, I can only imagine that you don't care about the drought or anything but the almighty dollar. Is it time for me to contact the local paper? The city council? Who will be worthy enough of your attention to get this taken care of? Because I'm really not interested in paying several hundred dollars a month for your disinterest.