It's nice to know that I have a purpose in life besides holding down the computer chair, using up the Internet, and munching helpless organic baby carrots with impunity. Today, I may have found it.
What is it? Being a mother? Well, yes, that's pretty special and would normally be at the top of my list, but not today. Being an (unpublished) author? No, no, that's more of a hobby, at least after today's revelation. "What? What is this new thing??" I hear you cry. "Tell us lest we perish from curiosity and leave our beautiful corpses littering computer desks all over the world!!"
Ahem.
I made a Republican laugh. Yes. Yes I did. Out loud.
I know.
World peace must surely follow.
How did I manage this unparalleled feat? I'm so glad you asked!
Today, the Republican National Committee (or whatever they're calling themselves these days to get the kiddies hooked) phoned, desperate for the opinion of our little slice of middle-but-getting-closer-to-lower-with-every-so-called-tax-break class America. They wanted T but reluctantly (or enthusiastically, how do I know, they were political people) allowed as how I might do. Gee whiz, thanks y'all!! Before I could respond to anything more than the young lass's query regarding my identity, she launched her opening salvo.
The first thing the young woman asked, without asking if it would annoy me or delay the toenail trimming plans I had for the morning or if I had any issues revealing my most intimate political truths to a stranger on the phone, was how important is was it to me on a scale of one to five, with five being most important and one being not at all important, that the Republicans win the upcoming elections. In a trice, an entire herd of snide comments stampeded through my mind, each vying for my attention and pride of place on my tongue.
I refrained from unleashing any of them. She was a perfectly nice young woman, after all, and at least it wasn't a computer like the last lot of politically motivated calls I'd had. Rather, I replied (Georgia accent slathered on extra thick for effect) "Ah, sugar? I'm more of an independent, free thinking sort. You may want to call back when -- is home to get the answers you're looking for. He's the Republican 'round these parts."
I have no idea why that tickled her, but it did, and she laughed. Out loud. Really! Then she politely thanked me for my time and hung up. I hope she didn't hurt herself, being in politics and all. I thought I heard a gut busting, but I can't be certain. They can't fire her for it, can they?
See? I now have a purpose: Making political fund raisers (I could hear the register keys dinging while she was asking me her one question) laugh and garner disapproving looks from their (possibly) soulless supervisors. Who knows, maybe I saved her from a lifetime being ground down in the political machine? Hope springs eternal.
Meanwhile, they haven't called back - maybe they're afraid I'll corrupt another one with my wild promises of free thinking, laughter, and neatly trimmed toenails.
For the purposes of full disclosure and, really, to see just how far I can push you before you run screaming into the night to join the owls:
ReplyDelete~ I am a Republican.
~ You regularly make me laugh.
~ I laugh a lot anyway -- sometimes at Democrats, sometimes at Republicans, and ALWAYS at Libertarians (that was a joke).
Please lob only the good tomatoes -- I'm rather peckish at the moment.
Are you kidding me? A republican doesn't scare me...a non-voter does!! People who don't vote, don't care, won't take part in our political process...they terrify me!
ReplyDeleteAlso, as it's winter, I wouldn't lob tomatoes - nice ones are at a premium! You can have an owl pellet, if you like. :-)